Mark Halburn
1961-2010



We thought of you with hate today,
In hopes that you would go away.
Your presence we will never miss
and upon your grave we'll piss.



We hope you slide under a gas truck and taste your own blood.

Halburn Forced To Remove Sheetz Ad

For the second time this month, Halburn has been forced to pull an ad.
After one of PutnamLIES.com's investigative reporters contacted the Sheetz main office in Pennsylvania, Halburn was forced to pull the "ad" for their stores that he placed on his pages. Those cease and desist letters work  wonders

.

 

Notice the difference?

 However, and this is just a note to Sheetz's corporate folks and lawyers, and we know you're reading this, there are at least 25 other examples of the logo that still appear in his past news stories contained in his "Headline Archives". His other archives contain it as well.
You'll have to take a hammer to him to make him comply.

Here's how it works: He writes a story about the business and then places an ad for that business on his site. Then he tells them that the ad is running and since he's running a special on his prime ad space, they might as well pay him for it.
Then he leaves the ad up unless they object.
A former advertiser told PutnamLIES.com, "To my knowledge, there's 3 or less people that are actually paying for their ads. I think the others are up there just to make his site look more appealing to other suckers. After I canceled my ad with him he kept it up for about another 6 months. I was losing more business from having the ad on there than I was gaining from it. Then that nut tried to come back after about a year and bill me for the ad."
PutnamLIES.com exposed Halburn's misuse of Beyond The Backyard's logo in a story earlier this month.

Hallburn places the ads on his webpage to make it look legitimate, when in fact he's just using the logos without permission.
How many are actually sponsors and how many are "fake sponsors"?
No reputable merchant should have anything to do with him.

This is just one more example of the sleazy practices we've come to expect from this scumbag.

Whattaya Mean, I Can't Come In?

I'm a journalist. Look, I even have my own camera.
Why won't you let me in?
I've never been fired from here before.
Hey! I know somebody's in there. Hello?

May Is Zombie Awareness Month

In honor of Zombie Awareness Month, PutnamLIES.com's staff artist, Psychorabbit, has turned out THE best zombie picture ever!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Zombie Halburn!
While the typical zombie wants brains, Zombie Halburn lusts for grease.

May is the official Zombie Awareness Month of the Zombie Research Society.
Since spring naturally brings with it a sense of renewal and hopefulness, May is the perfect month to emphasize continued vigilance in the face of the coming Zombie Pandemic.

Buffalo Toyota Plant Target of Bomb Hoax

PutnamLIES.com correspondent Harry Stamper reports that while investigating the bomb hoax at the Buffalo Toyota plant he had the following conversation with a Toyota representative:
“Yeah, hi, my name is Harry Stamper, with PutnamLIES.com, and I wanted to ask about the bomb threat from yesterday…”
“Sorry, sir, we don’t have a comment. Who are you with again?”
“PutnamLIES.com”
“Oh…(pause), well, we only talk to recognized news sources, not bloggers”
“Ma’am, I’m not Mark Halburn.”
“Oh (laughs)… well, OK, I thought you were. We’re not supposed to give comments to him”
“I understand, trust me…”
(laughs again) “Sorry about that, sir. But we only give out news releases. I can direct you to our website, or fax one to you if you’d like?”
“No, that’s ok. I’ll pick one up off the wire. Thanks.”
“Thank you, sir. And I apologize for the mistaken identity”

Stamper is considering a defamation of character lawsuit.


The story is here.

Do I Get To Make An Opening Statement?

PutnamLIES.com's legal correspondent was present in court for Halburn's trespassing appeal.
We thought we'd recap some of the exchanges between Judge Kaufman and Halburn to demonstrate Halburn's legal brilliance.

Halburn (to Deputy Vernon): Why did you have your firearm when there's a sign that says no firearms?
Kaufman: What does that have to do with anything?
Halburn: Apparently he was breaking the law.
Prosecutor: He's authorized. He's a law enforcement officer.
Halburn: Is there an exclusion?
Kaufman: It doesn't matter! It's irrelevant!


Kaufman: Ever been to this pool before?
Halburn: No. I don't live in Kanawha County.



Kaufman: But you've been to other public pools?
Halburn: I've been to other public pools.

You've been to other public pools all right. The visit usually involves you leaving in handcuffs.

Kaufman: Hot August day. How many people would you say, in the middle of the afternoon, on a Saturday in August, were in the pool?

Halburn: A half dozen or more.
Kaufman: A half dozen or more on a Saturday afternoon in August. In a place you knew was a public pool. No manager, no employees, Any cars?
Halburn: There were several.

It's a 90 degree day in August (warm, you call it), yet there were no patrons at the pool. Didn't that seem a little odd to you, asswipe? Like you're the only one with the idea to go swimming.


Kaufman: Let me get back to the trespassing thing
Halburn: There was no trespass!



Kaufman: He made all that up? Nothing the sheriff said was true because he was so upset that you caught him swimming?
Halburn: I didn't catch him swimming. I walked in there to swim in a public pool with a sign that invited me in. I wasn't trying to catch anybody.
Kaufman: How can that make anyone upset unless they were nude swimming with another guy or another girl?


Kaufman: If my memory serves me most public pools are closed that last week in August because the lifeguards go back to school.


Kaufman: Why is it that you feel you had a right or some entitlement to ask them anything- the people that were swimming?
Halburn: I thought there were people swimming in the pool.
Kaufman: There were people swimming in that pool but it was none of your concern.


Kaufman: You've got this in a picture in your mind that's very favorable to yourself that you weren't doing anything wrong.
Halburn: I wasn't.
Kaufman: That's what you think.
Halburn: That's what I know.

That's right, Pee Wee Herman, argue with the judge. That'll get you real far.




Halburn: Had that sign not been posted I would not have gone in the pool.
Kaufman: Don't you think that this is for people who pay or have a right to go in there?
Kaufman: This is not trespassing because the sign said to go around?
Halburn: The sign says enter through the gate.
Kaufman: The gate was open & you didn't pay any money, and someone was in the pool?
Halburn: I also didn't go swimming.
Kaufman: You weren't cited for swimming.


Kaufman: He didn't look like he was there to give directions to the public did he? Honestly?
Halburn: He didn't look like an officer. He had no identification. I had no idea until he put the cuffs on me. He looked like a civilian. I thought he was joking with me.

It's all fun and games until someone gets handcuffed.
At this point I think the judge had enough and started fucking with Halburn.

Kaufman: Was he under water or above water when you asked him?Halburn: He was underwater when I first approached him and he popped up and he was above when I asked him. I didn't ask him where the manager was so I could pay, I asked him where the manager was and I would ask the manager where to pay.Kaufman: Had he taken a breath when you asked him?Halburn: I don't recall how many breaths. He appeared to have taken a breath.Kaufman: He caught one breath on his way up?Halburn: I don't know.
Kaufman: Was he in good shape, this fella?
Halburn: He appeared to... a lot of people are in shape that aren't deputies.
Kaufman: I mean he was in phenomenal shape, wasn't he?
Halburn: I wouldn't say phenomenal, but I'm not a physical fitness expert.



Halburn: He had no identification.
Kaufman: Of course he didn't, underwater?
Halburn: On his wetsuit, no identification.
Kaufman: He had a wet suit on. That should be enough.
Halburn: I've seen people swim in public pools in wetsuits.
Kaufman: 6 of 'em on an August day?




Halburn: I can see where this is going.

So do we.
Guilty.
Again.
Halburn must read Bartlett's on a regular basis. How else could he demonstrate two adages at once. "A man who is his own lawyer has a fool for a client." and "It is better to remain silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."

He's too cheap to hire a lawyer and too stupid to keep his mouth closed.

Halburn Forced To Pull Ad

Halburn likes to pretend that he's compassionate by running ads for nonprofit organizations.

Well, there's one group that doesn't want Halburn's charity.
That's Beyond The Backyard.
Founded by Charleston attorney Bobby Warner, Beyond the Backyard is a youth organization dedicated to introducing kids to outdoor activities such as hunting, fishing, mountain biking, mountain climbing, hiking and camping.
Some time ago, Hallburn approached Warner's business begging for sponsorship, and they told him they weren't interested. In their reply was the logo for the Beyond The Backyard program.
Halburn then stole the logo and placed it on his website. It has been there for at least a year.
Warner was asked last week if he authorized its placement on Halburn's site. He said that he in no way did so, and would have it removed immediately.
This all happened Friday May 7. On Saturday May 8, the ad was gone.
It's amazing what a cease and desist letter can do.
Don't steal a lawyer's logo, dummy!

PutnamLIES.com and others have long wondered how many ads and logos have simply been stolen and placed on his site to make it look legitimate.
We know for a fact that a certain radio stations logo was there for a long time until they finally demanded that he remove it. We also know of a large pizza and breakfast chain that is afraid to pull their ads for fear of negative reporting.

If your business' logo appears on his site, contact Halburn immediately and demand that it be removed.

This kind of thing demonstrates just how low Halburn will stoop.
He's a fucking thief.

UPDATE: Halburn now claims that Warner’s "PR guy" (notice he can't provide a name) approached HIM to run a story. He claims that he personally met with him at Warner’s law office. He says that he interviewed the "PR guy" who provided photos and the logo after Halburn offered to run it free of charge.

Unfortunately for Halburn, the truth is that the "story" he ran was nothing more than a press release which he published verbatim. There was no interview with the "PR guy". It's all the same bunch of bullshit that we've come to expect from him.

Happy Mother's Day

From the fattest motherfucker in Hurricane!

This Is Gonna Get Real Ugly.Real Fast

CAUTION: May be too disturbing for some viewers.



We hope you can keep your food down after you see these.
Our ace Hurricane correspondent, Dolemite, was out Friday evening and captured the following pictures.
These are images you'll see only on PutnamLIES.com.
And after you see them, you'll be glad of it.









Watering those precious trees


Surveying the future sound barrier.

Those are going to be real nice. IN ABOUT 40 YEARS!


His Reward. A tall cool drink. Probably of hamburger gravy.

Ladies and Gentlemen, MARK HALBURN!

Jeezus H Tapdancing Christ! My Eyes!
Can you believe this fat fuck has the nerve to go out in public like this? There ought to be a law!

"I'm not a physical fitness expert"
---Halburn at his latest trial.


No shit.

MARK HALBURN CONVICTION UPHELD!

Kaufman Affirms Magistrate Decision
Still Guilty!



Mark Vance Halburn remains a convicted trespasser.



That's the decision of Kanawha County Circuit Court Judge Tod Kaufman who affirmed Halburn's conviction after a hearing on Wednesday, May 5th.

Halburn was convicted in January in Magistrate court in connection with a trespassing incident that occurred at the Shawnee Park Swimming Pool in Institute on August 30, 2009. He then appealed that conviction to Circuit court.


That's right folks. This is the algae filled pool Halburn wanted to swim in!

Things went bad for fatsack almost immediately when Kaufman denied all of his "motions".

Prosecutors said Halburn forced his way into the pool where the Kanawha County Sheriff Department's SWAT team was holding scuba practice, demanded to swim and when informed that the pool was closed to the public, became agitated and refused to leave.

Halburn shook his head repeatedly during Deputy J. M. Vernon's testimony as the officer stated that Halburn was ordered to leave multiple times, became aggressive and refused to remove his hands from his pockets.

The deputy also pointed out that the water was algae filled and the water level was low.
Halburn tried countering that statement by asking, "It wasn't appropriate for me but it was OK for you?"
Only Halburn would want to swim in an slimy algae pool just because someone said he couldn't.

During his testimony, Halburn, as he is wont to do, chose the fact that there was a sign that read, "Please Enter Through Side Gate" to use as his main rebuttal point, over and over again.

Judge Kaufman would have none of that.
"You didn't pay, you didn't own the pool, it wasn't your property, there wasn't anyone there to give you permission and your whole defense was you had a right to be there because that sign was there. There was nothing to say the pool was open. That's the whole point. The fact that you can get in doesn't make it open."

PutnamLIES.com made this very point last month in our article "Halburn Pounds The Table."

In his typical sympathy ploy, Halburn repeatedly pointed out the he is a 47 year old, 300 pound (that's perjury right there) diabetic that just wanted to go swimming on a warm August day. Halburn was acting as his own lawyer and after the verbal bitchslapping he received from the judge for bringing up irrelevant matters, he seemed to be so stymied that he never brought up the "judicial misconduct" he claimed tainted his first trial. All he could do was keep babbling "the sign, the sign" in a stuttery, high pitched voice. Maybe next time maybe he should call Lee's buddy Matlock.

Ultimately, Kaufman decided Halburn had trespassed and upheld the conviction from Magistrate court.Originally, Halburn was fined $250 plus $159 in court costs. Judge Kaufman said, "Essentially you're appealing a 409 dollar and 50 cent case."
Halburn whined that the fine was excessive and Kaufman reduced it to $100 plus costs, which Halburn being Halburn, tried to argue as well. So now we'll have to hear about how he beat the system or some kind of bullshit like that.

Halburn, who is also goes by the aliases of Hallburn and the Putnam Pool Boy, calls himself the "publisher" of a cluttered internet advertising shopper in Putnam County. He also moonlights as a substitute teacher.
He has a number of previous arrests including strong arm robbery, harassment and trespassing.

The case number is: 10M-AP-3.
You can get the case file HERE.

You can listen to the full audio recording HERE.
Also available on YouTube

You want a sign?
Here's your fucking sign, fatboy:



We'll go Deputy Vernon one better when he said, "Go back to Putnam County"
Go back to California.


We'll have more later.

RELATED STORIES:
Putnam Pool Boy Arrested Again! 
This Is The City
Mark Hallburn Conviction Upheld 
Do I Get To Make An Opening Statement?
Audio Transcript of The Trial
Audio Transcript of The Trial on YouTube

Halburn Arrested Again For Telephone Harassment
Halburn Cops Plea In Harassment Case

STILL GUILTY!!!

More to Come.
We'll have full coverage.