Hallburn Goes To The Mall

One of our intrepid correspondents tipped us off to this incident at the mall.

 

Why Does Mark Hallburn Hate Dogs?

Why does Mark Hallburn hate me?

Most people in Putnam County are familiar with the annual dog swim on Labor Day at Valley Park Wave Pool.
The pool closes for the summer and man's best friends get a chance to enjoy the water. Donations are accepted at the door to raise money for the Putnam Animal Relief Fund to help build a new shelter in Putnam County. This year's swim was the fourth annual.

Some dog haters feel that they, not dogs, should be the ones swimming, even though there are no lifeguards.
Mark Halburn is one of those.
He doesn't want the dogs to swim in the pool.

Halburn was at the Parks Office Friday afternoon demanding to know why the pool was open for the dogs and closed early for people. (Keep in mind the swim was more than two weeks ago and the pool closed at the SAME TIME IT CLOSES EVERY YEAR.) He wanted to know how much it cost the taxpayers for the dogs to swim.
It didn't cost taxpayers anything...it was all volunteers.

This year's swim raised $1884.58 and there were about 300 dogs that had fun at the pool. Everyone had a great time (except for Halburn, who hates dogs) and can't wait for next year.

What kind of cruel bastard would deny dogs a swim in the pool?
Just remember, many serial killers got their start abusing animals.

I'm Finally Cool

After weeks of sweltering in high temperatures with no pool, I was finally able to cool off today with a refreshing dip.
If Joe Haynes, Steve Andes, Scott Williamson, Sally Holliday or Cordie Fucking Hudkins won't implement my suggestion of white slavery so I'll have some lifeguards at the pool, I'll do something myself for a change.

So I stole the boy's pool. The little bastard never swims in it anyway. All that work and the little shit won't go near it.
Now, if I could just find a way to skim off all this grease floating on the surface.

Convicted Pool Trespasser Hallburn Boo-Hoos About Closed Pool

Every year about this time Halburn starts bitching about the pools being closed.
He's been whining for the last three weeks about it.



There's a reason the pools are closed, shithead. And you know exactly what it is.
It's got nothing to do with Joe Haynes, Steve Andes, Scott Williamson, Sally Holliday or Cordie Fucking Hudkins.
It's because there are no lifeguards.

It doesn't matter if it's 86 degrees or 186 degrees. They're not going to open the pool back up for a day because you broke a sweat. Especially with no lifeguards.
Plus it's been in the 50s at night for the past couple of weeks. Do you have any idea how quick a pool cools off with temps like that?
Then you'd be complaining that the pool was open but it wasn't heated.

Seriously asshole, just how many times did YOU go to the pool here this summer?

Public pools use college students as lifeguards. Most college students have been back in school for the last month.
Public pools around here close by Labor day. It's a fact of life. Get used to it.
If you don't like it, go back to California. Don't go away mad, just go away.

Judge Kaufman explained it to you when you were convicted of trespassing in May.



"If my memory serves me," he said, "most all public pools are closed that last week in August because the lifeguards go back to school. And they can't get lifeguards to open up."

What's so difficult about understanding that? What do you want? Press gangs to round up people off the streets as lifeguards so you can soak your fat ass when it gets hot at the end of September?

Or are you suggesting that they open without them?
You would be the the first one to accuse county officials of blatantly disregarding the safety of the swimming public if they did so.



If you want to swim, there's a pool at the Tri-County YMCA that's open 353 days a year. But then you'd have to pay for a membership there and we all know that's not going to happen, you cheap bastard.

Shut the fuck up.

Happy Birthday To Tyler Hollywood!

I'm no longer gallant,
You took me down a peg,
If I could have your talent,
For that I'd surely beg.

Happy Birthday to a guy that's far more successful in radio than I've ever been or will be.
I bow to my overlord.