Friday, July 22, 2011

Halburn Kicked Out Of Strayer University

Even a diploma mill has standards.

Reports are slowly trickling in about Halburn's latest adventures in higher education.

PutnamLIES.com first got an inkling something was wrong on May 18. Three different departments from Strayer were reading PutnamLIES.com for most of that day, including Hallburn's mental evaluation.

You may remember that in June 2010, Halburn enrolled in Strayer to work on an MBA in Human Resources. At the time he said he HATED to invest $24,000 and three years. He thought a B.A. in communications was not respected by West Virginia employers.
We've got news for you fatboy.
It's not the B.A. that's not respected it's YOU ,Hallburn.
You actually have to know about Human Relations to get a degree in it.

Well, one year and $8000 later all he has to show for it is another stain on his record.

PutnamLIES.com was informed Thursday morning that Hallburn has been thrown out of Strayer.
Plagiarism? Cheating? Bullying? Harassment? Extortion? Arson? Bedwetting?
We don't know.
We're publishing the question. We're not publishing a statement.

There aren't many reasons that get a student kicked out near the end of the quarter.
It is a well known fact though, that Hallburn is a plagiarist and a bully.

What we do know is that he threw a tantrum and then threatened the Dean, Dr. Phyllis Isley. That's when the cops got involved. He was told to never return and is now banned from the property.

Imagine that, a woman, and a Ph.D. no less, telling Halburn no and he starts his bullying act. Why is this not a surprise?
He's lucky she didn't kick his fat ass. Literally. She's a 4th Degree Black Belt in Taekwondo.

Whatever the reason, we applaud Strayer University for standing up for academic honesty and against bullying. We hope they see that their mistake was admitting him in the first place.
We hope this doesn't affect his substitute teaching jobs in Kanawha County. For all we know they enjoy employing cheats and bullies.


Looks like Halburn has traded his mortarboard for a dunce cap.
His academic career lasted about as long as any of his jobs.

We'd LOVE to hear Halburn's side of the story. You know he has one. He's the smartest guy in the world. Just ask him!
We're sure it was a just case of mistaken identity, probably his 'nephew' again. Whatever it was, we're certain this was Strayer's fault. No, wait ...
He ran outta gas. He had a flat tire. He didn't have enough money for cab fare. His tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from outta town. Someone stole his car. There was an earthquake, a terrible flood, locusts. It wasn't his fault!! I swear to God!!

We be more than happy to let him tell it too, but apparently he's too scared of the truth to even comment.
C'mon fatboy, you know you want to.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Hallburn Ordered From Country Club




Safe Stolen From Sleepy HollowHallburn NOT Involved In Pool Incident


A safe was stolen late Tuesday from an office at Sleepy Hollow Golf Club, officials there report.
Mark Hallburn did show up there Wednesday to harass the employees there under the guise of being a "reporter" and a "photographer", and was immediately ordered to leave.
The crime happened Tuesday night, July 12th. Reports say a "large amount" of cash was stolen. The Putnam County Sheriff's Department is investigating the break-in. A call to their office seeking information was returned immediately and they gave us the information we requested..
Breaking and Entering is a felony. So is Grand Larceny.
Stalking is a felony. Trespassing is a misdemeanor.
Apparently it is not a crime to impersonate a journalist.

If you know anything about these crimes, please contact Putnam DIspatch anytime at 304-586-0273.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

What sort Of Man Reads PutnamLIES.com?
Hallburn Reads PutnamLies.comApologies to Hugh Hefner

Even Halburn's advertisers read PutnamLIES.com !
Everyone enjoys a good laugh ! Especially at his expense.
Download full size PDF

Monday, July 4, 2011

Now, More Than Ever


When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.

Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such disolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.