Halburn Trespassing Trial Scheduled For January 27th, 2010

Kanawha County Deputy J. M. Vernon says Mark Vance Halburn, alias Mark Hallburn, was trespassing in August of 2009, and now the date has been set for Halburn to face the music.

Halburn's trial has been scheduled for January 27, 2010, at 10 AM before Kanawha County Magistrate Traci Carper-Strickland. The public is invited to attend.

According to a citation issued by Vernon, Halburn was busted after after forcing his way into the swimming pool at Shawnee Park in Institute on August 30, 2009. After refusing to leave, Halburn was arrested. Unfortunately for him, the Kanawha County Sheriff Department SWAT Team was conducting exercises there at the time. Halburn is charged with a misdemeanor.



Halburn is the "Publisher" of PutnumLive.com, an internet blog. He also claims to be a journalist. He was not on duty at the time of his arrest.

PutnamLIES.com readers may recall that we broke the story of the arrest immediately after it happened. The EXCLUSIVE STORY detailed the circumstances surrounding the crime.

Halburn's Kanawha County Magistrate Court case number is 09m 10170.

What I Did On My Christmas Vacation

Greetings from
frigid Hurricanesunny Hawaii.
Yeah, that's more like it.


I hope all of you were able to read the comment I sent on Monday afternoon.

Here's the actual text if you can''t make it out on the postcard:

Mark Hallburn said...

Aloha, everyone!

This is my final post here. I am off to Hawaii this afternoon for my latest travel feature. I will think of you as I am surfing in Waimea Bay. I'll be kicking back at a north shore resort Did you REALLY think I was going to tell you which one!) then moving on to Maui while I make plans to take PutnamLIVE.com to a higher level of greatness in 2010. Aloha, all! Mahalo! And don't worry about me writing off expenses for this trip. IT'S FREE!!!

December 28, 2009 1:03 PM

While all of you plebes are freezing, I'm lounging in the sun.
My imaginary friends are here too.



Eat your hearts out, you backwards hillbillies!




Here's the view from the luxurious resort where I'm staying.
Everything's free when you don't actually go anywhere and your wife supports you.

It does seem much colder on this island than I imagined it though.

UPDATE:


We had a big luau this afternoon and I was chosen to participate!
They LOVE me! They WORSHIP me!
Part of the ceremony was when they chased me around with a big knife. Turns out they thought I was the pig. They were right.

UPDATE #2 - Jan 2:

Even though I left the above comment on the 28th, I now deny that I left it.

Tyler, I CAN choose what lie I want to live and I don't need any help from you.
My whole life is a lie. Nyaaah!

I'm insane but I'm pretty sure I can't be in two places at once.

HAPPY HALBURN-IDAYS!

It was a big Christmas at the house my wife owns.
Now that all the excitement has died down, I thought I'd share some of the joy with you.



It's always exciting to open the first gift of the day. Nothing like a cold one to start the big day.



After I put on my best clothes, I opened my favorite gift of the day. I've been wanting one of these for years. No more spitting on the floor!



Even the little fella got in on the fun. I'm making so much money now I bought him his first carton of cigarettes.



You always remember your first smoke.

And of course Christmas isn't complete without a feast. Ours couldn't be beat.



Someone had a little too much egg nog.
I told him if he couldn't handle his liquor better that he'd have to move out.
Really though. What can you do with relatives?

The folks at PutnamLIES.com even gave me a bunch of shit.
What a great Christmas!
I hope the new year is just as good!

Serial Plagiarist Strikes Again In Putnam County

Many of you read about the horrendous truck accident at the Scott Depot exit the other day.
This publisher would have rushed to the scene to take pictures so I could pat myself on the back again by saying that I don't publish fatal accident photographs out of sensitivity to family and friends of the victim, but unfortunately it happened at 1:30 AM, and my fat ass was sound asleep.
Due to that fact, I'll just have to jerk off to the other fatal accident photos I take but don't publish.

Anyway, since all I could do is regurgitate facts I got somewhere else for my story, I thought I'd print a letter from someone concerning the wreck. There's just one small problem. Nobody sent me a letter. So I had to make one up. And since it's easier to steal something than actually produce something, that's what I did.
Unfortunately the only thing I could find to plagiarize was from an internet forum, wvbroadcasting.net.Here's the text as I printed it:


Cut and paste is amazing. Rearrange the paragraphs and voila! Instant Letter to the Editor. Unfortunately for me, but unknown to most of my "readers", the writer would never, ever send anything to me.

I hope no one notices how obvious it is that I'm so desperate that I'm willing to do or say anything for material. My advertisers have to be idiots.

Many thanks!

=============================================

Once again PutnamLIES.com has uncovered another blatant theft of material by Halburn.
This time it comes from WVBroadcasting.net
His MO was to take text from a thread about a wreck, rearrange it and claim it was a letter sent by a reader.

Look for yourself. All the thieving bastard did was copy the text and rearrange it and try to pass it off as a letter sent to his shitty little "news" site.

Here's the topic on wvbroadcasting.net.

Halburn again demonstrates his lack of ethics and integrity by plagiarizing text and publishing it, and by lying to his "readers" by acting like it was sent to him as a letter.

When contacted for comment by PutnamLIES.com, the writer of the purported letter said the following:

"Not only did I NOT send Hallburn any information concerning an accident on I-64, but I never have and WILL never make contact with him in any way. He stole my post off a popular messageboard and used it as though I sent it to him. Fat chance!

Hallburn's issue with me started when he purchased less than $200 in advertisements on my radio talk show and then called in every day expecting to be placed live on the air under the guise of "reporting Putnam County news", when in fact he was simply milking that $200 into $2000 worth of free advertising. I finally put a stop to this, at which time Hallburn started posting all sorts of fabrications all over the internet. Most websites that he's been involved with have banned him or made so much fun of him that he refuses to go to them anymore. He will stoop to ANY level to promote his website.

To this very day he has worked overtime in a vain attempt to get even with me and many others of whom he's tricked into making believe that he was a legitimate newsman."

So there you have it. Undeniable proof from the alleged letter writer of blatant plagiarism by Putnam County's news loser.
But you better look quick if you want to see it there. He'll remove it and pretend it never existed.

We demand that Halburn publish an admission of plagiarism and apologize to the letter writer.

A practice like this is business at its absolute worst, practiced by an immoral charlatan masquerading as a journalist. Halburn will stoop to the lowest, most vulgar, vile and disgusting ploys to deceive the honest, hard-working citizen. He is the lowest form of scum on the face of the earth.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

From the fattest Santa that ever slid down your chimney.



Another Christmas is destroyed by EXCESSIVE NOISE.
I am awakened during the night by some kind of bells coming from a sled in the neighborhood and someone laughing loudly. HOW RUDE!!! There is NO reason why someone should be so rude!!! What kind of IDIOT would do such a thing so late at night?

We can't even get peace and quiet ON CHRISTMAS.

Peace on Earth and good will to all especially Walmart, AEP, Scott Edwards, Steve Andes, Raymond "Joe" Haynes (do the Amish even celebrate Christmas?), Mike Hall, Patti Schoen, Gary Walton, Ben Newhouse, Girl of Words, Lee, Lenny, Tyler Hollywood, Tybois and all the great readers and commenters at PutnamEYES.com!

I can't wait to show everyone what I got!!!

Here's to ya!

CHRISTMAS WISHES TO ALL OUR READERS

Here's one of the holiday pictures I love the most.
I hope you're as excited as I am.



I guess it's OK for me to use Santa Claus as a keyword for the next few days.

Letters To The Publisher
"The People's Voice"

Ask Before You Give To Halburn
One of the traits that I respect the most about West Virginians is how generous we are. People can always be counted upon to help a neighbor who is having trouble making ends meet. Whether it is the need for a TV, coupons for formula for a retarded child, or free laptops.

But unfortunately there are dishonest people who know this about us and are looking to take advantage of it. They are looking to play on our willingness to help each other. Actually, there is only one. His name is Mark Halburn.

Halburns are only looking to make a dollar for themselves and not the people who really need it.

There are charities in West Virginia that have been doing good work for years. There are soup kitchens, domestic violence shelters, and free clinics that provide valuable services to the people who otherwise would not be able to afford them. Mark Halburn and his friend Troy Suxton have been taking advantage of all of these services, taking away from those who actually need them.

Just how much money are we talking about? Would you believe the figure is in the billions?
According to the most recent figures compiled by the Secretary of State’s Office, in the past year... more than $1.2 billion dollars to put up with his assholery.

Halburn is always looking for more ways to take when the holidays draw near. Hopefully, you will not be a target of a Halburning. There are some easy ways that you can spot a Halburn, protect yourself from the scam, and then notify the authorities to help protect others.

Here some easy to remember ways to spot a Halburn:

- Evasive, vague, or unresponsive answers to specific questions.

- Making up a submitter's name then changing it when called out.

- Allowing you no way to comment on his shitty website.
- Reserves the right at any time when you decide to not donate to mention his dead daughter

- Emotional appeals that are supposed make you feel guilty about not donating to his retarded son and dead daughter.
- Crisco stains on decomposing sweatpants.
- Bills or invoices sent to you even though you never pledged money to the organization.

If you have any questions regarding Halburn, write down the name and then log on to putnamlies.com. There, you will find a complete listing of all manners of Halburn assholery. State law says if Halburn's business doesn’t expect to raise more than $5 in one year they do not have to register.

There are so many worthy charities doing good work in our state. These charities will continue to do their good work as long as there are caring people in West Virginia who give what they can. Please support legitimate needy cases, and not this asshole, his retarded kid, his obviously brain damaged wife, his mother, Christy, PutnamJohnny, Sal Marino, or any of the other "people" who "reside" at 194 Grace Drive.

The Secretary of State’s Office has provided exceptional tools that you can use to make sure you do not become a victim of Halburn fraud.

Thank you, and Happy Holidays!

Tate Nutts
Halburn Antics Watchdog Group
www.hawg.org

FUCKHEAD SAYS HURRICANE LEVY NO LONGER NEEDED
Claims City Already Has Enough Money


There was a time when the
City of Hurricane was a quiet little town.
That time has come
and gone.

Because several years ago, an out of state douchebag
moved to town and immediately started causing trouble.

Now, in an unsigned "editorial" that is nothing more than another one of his thinly disguised personal rants,
Mark Halburn continues to unethically promote his own self interest by ostensibly railing against an excess levy.
It's really nothing more than a continuation of his personal vendetta against local politicians and government employees. Sure, nobody likes paying their taxes, especially goatse boy, but this goes beyond that.

He whines that the Hurricane city council "arrogantly refused to vote to pave the last dirt road in town."
What road might that be?
Grace Drive of course. The very street that the author lives on.
Is this fact disclosed in the article?
Of course not.

Then he says, "Since the last Excess Levy passed, electric and water rates have had double-digit percentage increases. Gasoline prices are at $2.55 a gallon and were above $4 a gallon, causing a huge financial strain on families and businesses that they are just starting to recover from. Putnam County voters recently generously passed a school bond that will increase their property taxes at a time when many are without jobs or have taken pay cuts. Health insurance premiums are at record levels."

But that only happened to you, right?
No, dickwad, it happened to everyone, INCLUDING city governments.
Their costs have gone up too, same as everybody else.

And he continues,"...Hurricane voters can't afford afford to vote for a renewal of the Excess Levy. The $8 a month figure that Edwards is using in his rhetoric adds up to $96 a year, which most of us can use to pay a utility bill."

$8.00 a week? You eat that much in candy bars, fatboy.
You know what, asshole? Our utility bills might not be as expensive if you'd quit filing frivolous complaints with the PSC every time your power goes out for 9 minutes.

Then he wants someone to, "Convince the Putnam County Development Authority to redevelop the neighborhood next to Walmart. This will also help the Hurricane Marketplace/Walmart Shopping Center attract more tenants providing even more jobs and revenue."

Which you hope will put money into your pocket, shitbag.
How convenient. Do you disclose that your wife and mother-in-law own property in the very neighborhood about which you write? The very property that you forced your wife to decline a offer that was made to buy it?
Hell no you don't.

And
"Eliminate the wasteful city manager salary"

You've had a hard on for Ben Newhouse since he wouldn't roll over and kiss your enormous ass.

You're a biased, unethical piece of shit.

For a "man" that doesn't have the guts to stand for election, you've sure got all the answers for Hurricane's problems.

And the county says the fair market value of your wife's property is $89,100. You can bet your big ass if they assessed it for $399,000, you'd be down there screaming.

You want to talk about a tax scam?
Let's talk about someone that runs a business out of his wife's home, brags about how much money it generates and then doesn't pay ONE DIME of B&O taxes to the City of Hurricane.
Let's talk about that.

Neediest Cases

More Televisions Would Make Difference For Man

Mark, 48, is married and has one child. He lives in a filthy but modest $350,000 house owned by his mother-in-law and wife. Other down on their luck family members live there on a transient basis.

His wife is the sole support. Mark works a menial job so that he can feel that he is contributing, but it's barely enough to put gas in either of his two vehicles. In fact, he's so needy he can only afford one brand new car, the other is almost 5 years old. He had been working at a Charleston motel but was let go after several instances of computer abuse. He now shakes the farts out of shirttails at a local laundry.

He also has a severe personality disorder that makes it difficult for him to hold a job or interact with normal people. His weight makes it difficult to do much except his hobby of running what he calls an "internet news site". A number of arrests also hamper his ability to get along in the area.
"He's obese and very difficult. He complains constantly. They only have 9 TVs. Yea, really, 9!" said the social worker familiar with his case.

They desperately need a couple of old televisions for the family room and the child's room of their home. They frequently host guests who like to watch "different" TV shows in another part of the house.

Won't you please help a needy, hateful old bastard have a Merry Christmas?

Needs: Televisions or any other objects of value (beds, computers, used condoms, etc).


Cases published in PutnamLIES.com's Neediest Cases have not been verified by anyone.
Contributions may be thrown onto the front lawn of 194 Grace Drive in Hurricane .

I Know What Someone's NOT Getting For Christmas

Freecycle is a group on Yahoo where you can give away stuff you don't need anymore to someone that does. Which is a good thing.
But, it seems, at least around here, there are a lot of deadbeats looking to get something for nothing.

Like this, for example:
"We need a bigger tv. 50 inch or bigger would be nice.... "

Wouldn't it though? How about getting off your lazy ass, getting a job and buying one?

Here's another example:

Click to enlarge

Just in case you're having trouble reading it, here's what it says:

"Need a 19 or 25" conventional tube TV in working/good condition.

If you've upgraded or are upgrading to HDTV, we will use your old TV. We have a rec room and child's room that we need a TV for."

And if you can't read who wants it, just take a wild guess.

That's right, it's "Hallburn".

Why didn't you just write this:

I'm too cheap to buy a new TV, so give us your old one. It must have a remote control because I am a rather portly gent that's too lazy can't get up and down to turn the channel. It must also be very loud because there is EXCESSIVE NOISE in my neighborhood.

Jeezus, you are one cheap motherfucker.

I'll bet you were going to wrap it up and give it as a Christmas present, weren't you?

I suppose you want someone to deliver and install it too?

Letters, I Get Letters

So I'm sitting in the basement my office (the one in Fraziers Bottom, NOT in my wife's house) last month licking the KFC grease off my fingers when I get another brainstorm.

I need some letters from more exotic locales. That will show the nay-sayers and trash-talking bloggers a thing or two. See, I like to think that by printing letters from other states, they'll think I have readers all across the country.
The problem is, nobody from any other state writes in, much less actually reads any of my "stories". I have enough trouble attracting local readers.
Even most of my local letters are made up. Do you think there's actually a Ray Bloomington of Hurricane, George Williamson of Eleanor, or John Grange of Scott Depot?

But the internet is an amazing thing, You can find letters to the editor in every online newspaper.
There's tons of them, who's going to know if I reprint a few and say that they were sent to me? What's someone going to do? Contact and ask them?

So I printed this in November's Letters to the Editor:



Which is very interesting, because here's the original:


http://www.mariettatimes.com/page/content.detail/id/517660.html?nav=5007

Notice how I dropped the part where she talks about her local concerns. That's because I knew that would be a tip off that it was swiped. Pretty smart, huh?
Lower Salem OH is 125 miles from Hurricane.

And then I printed this one:


Which came from here:


http://www.miamiherald.com/opinion/letters/story/1344561.html

Key Biscayne is over 1,000 miles from Hurricane.

And why stop there:



The original came from here:


http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4176/is_20091112/ai_n42085590/

Fremont CA is over 2,500 miles from Hurricane.
Who-hoo! Look at me! I get letters from across the US. I'm very important!
Not really though.
Like somebody once said, "You can fool some of the people some of the time and the rest you can just jerk off. "
With my personality disorder, I'm a pro at both.

If that trash-talking blogger could write here I bet he'd make up some headline like "Pussy Publisher Plagiarises Purloined Postings" or say something like,
"I'll guaran-fucking-tee that NONE of these people sent these letters."
And he'd be right.


All I have to say is they would write they knew who I am and what I stand for.
I'M MARK "HALLBURN", GODDAMMIT!!!

Same Old Song And Dance

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

First it was construction noise, now it's traffic noise.
You must have the hearing of a bat, fatso. Either that or the walls of your hovel are made of Kleenex. Sorry, facial tissues. Wouldn't want you writing Kimberly-Clark complaining that I'm misusing their trademark.

Now "Hallburn" trots out his old Walmart blog again.

"Our son is 27 months old today. Not once has he been able to enjoy our front yard without excessive noise."

Let me fix that for you, douchebag:
"Not once has he been able to enjoy our front yard without
excessive noise   his Daddy bitching and whining."

And this one:
"Today, in his own little way, he decides to fight back. the boy has had enough. So he screams at the loud cars and pounds on the storm door. Out of the mouth of a babe, he tells the world that WALMART'S CUSTOMERS ARE TOO NOISY FOR A NEIGHBORHOOD! It's a priceless site. Not only for his anger but for how sad it is that a toddler is so angry at the STUPIDITY OF SILLY SCOTTY EDWARDS, GARY WALTON, and the OTHER MORONS THAT PUT A WALMART IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD!"

You know what's really sad, lardass? He's behaving this way because of YOU.
Children are a reflection of what they hear. Your piss poor attitude about life has already warped this poor little boy's brain. The shallow gene pool is bad enough. He's constantly bombarded by your insane rantings.
He's not angry, he has no idea what he's saying. He's just repeating what Daddy is constantly raving about.

Kids don't give a shit if it's noisy. They're happy to play anywhere.
They built I-64 at the edge of my backyard when I was a kid and my old man never bitched about it. Neither did anyone else. Was it noisier? Sure. But we weren't whackjobs that complained about it. We were thankful that we had a nice house to live in and a new road that didn't take half a day to get to Charleston on. We played the same as we always did.



Funny though, that there's a tire swing, a slide and what looks like a playhouse in a yard that he hasn't been able to enjoy.
And a chair to sit in.
What kind of cruel bastard puts toys out and then tells a child that he can't have fun because it's too noisy?

Plus, I've seen him and his mother playing in the driveway and they were having a great time. Of course Dad wasn't around so maybe that's why.

Don't be surprised to see this headline in a few years:



Run Son. Take your Mommy with you.

Sound Familiar?

PutnamLIES.com reporter Leonard Bernstein (who is still waiting for the cops to come) brought this one to our attention.
Good work, Lenny!

via dilbert.com

I Can't Believe I Ate The Whole Thing

I don't know about you, but I'm still stuffed.



Time to go take a big stinky Mark.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

From Putnam County's Biggest Turkey.



Excuse me while I go gobble, gobble, gobble...


Everything in sight.

Adventures in Right-Clicking

Once again, Mark Vance Halburn has zero credibility!
Over the course of the last couple of months, the investigative team at PutnamLIES.com has accused him of using other people's images.
And now we're doing it again.

Check this new one out on his "Hot Shots" section.

Here's a side-by-side comparison of his latest Adventures in Right-Clicking.

This picture belongs to a photographer named Tom Steele. Halburn published it without his permission.
Originally he said it was submitted by someone named Deborah Tyree. I'm not sure she really exists except in his head.
After being contacted by the actual photographer, he was forced to change the submitters name. The photographer didn't really submit it, but no one will ever know that.

Embarrassed? Not Halburn.
He has no shame, conscience or ethics. Doesn't bother him a bit. Never has. Never will.
It's good to be a sociopath.

Halburn says, "Hot Shots is a reader submitted section. Read the disclaimer.
It just says the submitter allows me to publish the picture without compensation. It doesn't say they had to actually have taken the picture.
I don't need permission anyway. I'M MARK HALBURN, GODDAMMIT!!!"

Tate Nutts, President of HAWG (Halburn Antics Watchdog Group) tipped us off to this egregious example of picture purloining.
We broke the story of his theft of the Blue Angels photo in September. And now here's another.

Once again, the thieving publisher and his "editorial board" publish images that clearly do not belong to the submitter.

You've been a bad boy "Hallburn". Santa's going to bring you a bag of switches.

YOU SAY IT'S MY BIRTHDAY?

Happy Birthday to me.

Birthday greetings from me to boot.
It's me all in my birthday suit.



Shorter of Breath and One Day Closer to Death.

Luckily for us, as obese as you are, you won't have many more.

A health and physical education teacher at Buffalo High School was taken to jail early Friday morning for DUI.

Hallburn immediately called the substitute teacher hotline to see if he could work until the suspect was released from jail.
"Hey, I need the work, and he's just laying in jail drunk," he said "I'm a taxpayer, and by I, I mean my wife and mother in law, and the students are entitled to a teacher."

Then he said this:
"In order to not disrupt the educational process, PutnumLIVE.com will not be interviewing Buffalo High School students for comment."


Real big of you, Mr Conscientious. Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back.
You never have a problem disrupting anything else.
If you didn't think that the Putnam County Sheriff would arrest you on sight for trespassing, you'd have been at the front doors when school opened demanding everyone answer your questions.
Asshole.

What Sort of Reader Reads PutnamLIES.com?

We've already seem "What Sort of Man Reads PutnamLIES.com?"
A big fat smelly, sweaty one.

Now it's your turn.
We'd like to know something about you. We know there are a bunch of you out there.

Use the comments and leave us a note.
Pick a name, (be anonymous, use an alias or your real name if you're a masochist and you'd like Mark Hallburn to harass you)
Let us know where you are, how you found us and why you're interested.
Be as vague or specific as you want.
You don't even have to send us a scan of your driver's license.
Don't be shy. Everyone has a story. We'd like to hear yours.

Anyone?
Bueller?

Oops, I did it again

I don't know how I find them , but I found another great graphic to use for my crime stories.



Isn't that great? Really eye catching. But unfortunately, once again, it belongs to someone else. I'll just say I had a subscription or something.


Click to enlarge

Which, if you can't read it, here's where it came from:
http://www.stltoday.com/blogzone/st-louis-crime-beat/

I hope they don't find out.

UPDATE: I forgot about another one right at the top of the page.


Click to enlarge

I think somebody left this one in a basket on my front porch.

Trick Or Treat! Halburn Grabs Some Candy!

Lard Lad Needs No Costume


So I took the boy Trick or Treating last night, and what could be more fun than to join in the festivities and wear my own costume.
Actually, it's not really a costume, it's what I wear around the house all the time.
This way nobody thinks anything is wrong when I'm crying all the time.
But I did fool some people because I wore the Official PutnamLIES.com Mark Hallburn Halloween Mask. It was so real I almost had myself arrested for trespassing.

I got lots of yummy candy and the boy did too. Unfortunately for him, I'm bigger than he is, so I stole all of his candy and ate it all.
Fuck him! I'm Mark Hallburn!

Halloween Is Almost Here!

Be the scariest kid on your block with the Official PutnamLIES.com Mark Hallburn Halloween Mask.

Print it out, cut it out & put it on!
(straitjacket not included)

Go to the Hurricane Walmart.
Go to Hurricane City Hall.
Go swimming (only when the pool's closed, of course.)
Check into the Comfort Suites in Kanawha City!
Do anything you want!
You're Mark Fucking Hallburn!

Scare your friends!
Scare Your neighbors!
They'll run. They'll cry.
They'll shit their pants!

Many thanks!
Happy Halloween!

Download PDF

BREAKING NEWS

Halburn Spotted at Putnam KFC



Local douchebag Mark Hallburn was spotted this evening at the KFC down the hill from his house, consuming all the free grilled chicken in the restaurant.
"It's free, so I took it all. Fuck them, I'm Mark Halburn!" he said.
"I waited on the couch all day for Colonel Sanders to come back to life and feed me, but nothing happened. I've contacted a lawyer and we are exploring legal action."

Colonel Sanders is still dead and was unavailable for comment.

KFC Announces Another Free Chicken Offer

Colonel Sanders to Return From Dead To Personally Feed Halburn.


Photograph courtesy of PutnamEYES.com staff psychic

KFC has announced that Monday,Oct. 26, more than 5,000 KFCs will give every U.S. customer a free piece of grilled chicken.

In a shocking turn of events, Colonel Harland Sanders, founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken, vowed today he would return from the dead to personally feed the free chicken to Mark Hallburn.

"I've had just about enough of his shit", Sanders said from beyond the grave.
"I saw how he behaved last time so I'm going over to his hovel to feed him personally this time.
And to be honest, he really isn't the kind of customer we want coming into our restaurants. The other customers complain about his smell, his lip smacking and the grease dripping off his chin.
If it takes me coming back from that big tub in the sky to keep him away, it will be worth it to keep our other customers happy.
I may hit the fat bastard with my cane just for good measure."

This will be the third time in six months that the chain is offering a giveaway to promote its Kentucky Grilled Chicken that had its debut last spring.

This will be the first time Sanders has risen from the grave.

Special update from Tyler Hollywood:
Tonight (10/24) on the Bad Side Live.
The Mark Halburn is Eating Free Chicken sighting segment.
With KFC kicking off it's newest giveaway, we all know where greasy hands are gonna be. Only question is, where and how many.

Call, text or email your sightings into the show!
www.talkradiox.com
Tonight at 11.