Commissioner Halburn?

Halburn has applied for the Kanawha County Commission seat left vacant by Dave Hardys departure.
He knows he can't get elected so he hopes he can get selected. This won't turn out well for him. He has no party affiliation. The applicant must be a Democrat.
Plus he's nuts.

Maybe he's just filling in for the crackpot woman that always runs for mayor in Charleston.

He doesn't realize this is for the Kanawha County Commission seat and not the Kanawha County Fair Pie Eating contest.

Here's the main disqualifier.
Carper said, “I think one of the most important things is to find someone who we’ll be able to work with and show respect not only to the public, but to the staff.” 

And just like that, the like was gone

That moment when your whole job interview in front of the media is about you being a repeat offender.
Discussion topics:
Airport. Parking tickets. Family court. Mayor stalking.

Kent's daughter was the first to smack him down for trespassing.

This is going to be a shitshow.

If he shows up for the interview, I'd say there's a slight chance of arrest.

"As your commissioner I'm going to bring the Atlantic Ocean to Kanawha County. All pools will be open  24/7/365. If necessary, I will press gang teenagers into  a newly created County Lifeguard Corps."
  
I don't think a commissioner would have the authority to order the "painless resurrection" of his dead mother.. Apparently that takes a family court judge or higher.

Update: He now claims he has switched his registration to Democrat. 

Wondermark

So appropriate.
Apologies to David Malki.

Resume Time

Here's an interesting bit from Halburn's voluminous resume:

"Summary of Qualifications:

Conscientious, dedicated, individual who learns quickly, develops good working relationships, and achieves consistent results. Special abilities in listening, servicing the needs of others, and multi-tasking. Proficient in problem solving, communicating and prioritizing. Excellent at time management and meeting deadlines."

I could think of a lot of descriptive words but those aren't it.

Oh yeah, he achieves "consistent results" all right. He consistently starts shit with co-workers, has accidents on the job then applies for Worker's Comp or files a lawsuit. Very consistent.

It's unknown if this is from the version of the resume that Halburn stuck under the door at WEMM radio the day after the Program Director Geoff Sturm passed away .
What kind of piece of shit tries to use a man's untimely passing as a way to get a job?

Make America Rude Again

The Legislative session is coming up, so PutnamLIES is posting this helpful chart.

Nice Day For a White Wedding

It's A Nice Day to Start Again!

At 7 pm Halburn posts this to his Facebook Wall:

"Guys: How would you feel about your son walking your ex-wife/his mother down the aisle to marry another man?"

Surprisingly enough, all his flying monkeys seemed to agree with the idea. 19 out of 20 commenters approved.
Even the most misogynistic of his unfit father buddies was supportive.

Oops. That backfired on Li'l Marky.

And 3 hours later, he's back pedaling.

"I never said this is ME!

A customer of mine just discovered that his ex is getting married on Saturday and is having their son walk her down the aisle. He feels disrespected and I agree with him. At no point was he asked for his opinion. This came out, in a conversation, today, when he just started shaking in the middle of our transaction... I asked him, casually, "What's wrong?" And he dropped the bomb... I've been thinking about it ever since... He and I both say that he should have at least been asked as it is THEIR son...

And, this question is for GUYS..."

Except it IS about him. His second ex-wife is getting remarried.

Ohhhhh. I didn't say it stood for "on crack," I asked the question.
What a sexist asshole! She should ask HIS permission. What a fuckstick.

Notice how it turns into "asking for a friend" once everybody was like "Grow up, Mark"

Apparently whatever retail job he's got now he's like the fucking bartender in Casablanca and people are gonna just share their deeply personal troubles with him in line at a store.
Does he have a new job or is this just stuff people talk about when they're getting their Obamaphones?

It's like he's goddamned Lucy Van Pelt. May as well set up a cardboard booth!

Who wants to tell a chronic complainer their problems?  I'd say all anyone who has any interaction with him wants to do is get the hell away from him.

 You can fuck off, fatman.
 It's not your party anymore.
You don't get a vote about how the new wedding will operate.

On the bright side, maybe she could get him to take photos.

Step two: That episode of the show where they file the paperwork for the new dad to adopt the boy.