Halburn Hits The Beach

Hallburn and his hillbilly family loaded up their Korean subcompact last week to escape town after the Strayer incident and headed for the Redneck Riveria, Myrtle Beach. PutnamEYES.com's South Carolina correspondent was there.

And of course, between posting on Topix and surfing the 1 foot waves, he had time to soak up a little sun.

Except for this embarrassing incident:

I'll push. You pull.

Ewwwwwwwww! Now his smell is on my hands!

Oh my god! The chair is stuck to his ass! And he has half a sandwich stuck under his left tit.
Get away before he falls on us.

After the jaws of life were used to free him, they loaded up the car and headed back home so he could continue terrorizing the citizens of West Virginia.

Halburn To Leave State Tomorrow

Fat Boy to Make Trans-Continental Flight

TSA intelligence sources have notified PutnamLIES.com's travel desk that Halburn is flying to California tomorrow to surprise his mom and dad on their 50th wedding anniversary at the nursing home where he abandoned them. The surprise will be that he now drools as much as they do, if they even recognize him at all.




After arriving on his birthday, the 17th, he plans to eat all the cake at the party on the 19th. Unfortunately, he will fly home a few days later.



Due to his domestic terrorist status, PutnamLIES.com hopes he gets the full monty search they're giving out at airports and we pity the poor TSA officer that has to give it to him.