I'm Baaack!

I have made my TRIUMPHANT return.
Actually, I was asked to leave South Carolina.
Something about a rank stench.
Walmart is still here though.

I'm on deadline and have many IMPORTANT meetings with the PutnamLies.com editorial staff.

Porcine Publisher is Pusilanimous Pussy

What a PATHETIC piece of shit I am.
I'm on vacation with my family in Myrtle Beach, (I like to lie and tell everyone I'm in Florida) and I still can't leave Girl of Words alone. I'm so obsessed that I IGNORE my wife and son to check her site and try to post there. I see her in my dreams. I think of her constantly.
DAMN YOU GOW, for forcing me to do this!!!
I hope my wife doesn't find out. She'll be FURIOUS. Like the time she caught me whacking off to pictures of food on the internet. But that's a story for another time.

I am not Rich Chrampanis, but I do play him on the internet.

The other day I used the wifi connection at a BEST BUY to maliciously IMPERSONATE a guy that I used to work with at WPDE before I was fired from there. It didn't work.
Maybe I should try the public LIBRARY . I'll bet that would FOOL her.

I have NO life. No one cares about my opinions, no matter how right I am and no matter how much I'm persecuted. But my personality disorder requires me to insist that everyone listen to and agree with me. My sock puppets certainly do.
How can I get in the last word if nobody will let me post comments? At least I can speak my mind here.


I'm too UPSET to even go to one of the many excellent all-you-can-eat seafood buffets here. I'll just go and EAT this fish.



Ah, but the strawberries! That's, that's where I had them. They laughed at me and made jokes, but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt, and with, with geometric logic, that, that a duplicate key to the wardroom icebox did exist. And I would have produced that key if they hadn't pulled the Caine out of action. I, I know now they were only trying to protect some fellow officer. ..Naturally, I can only cover these things from memory...

Overpriced Property Back on Market

More development, businesses, and jobs could be in store for The City of Hurricane if a recalcitrant husband of a property owner would allow his wife to sell her property at a reasonable price.

A real estate broker has signed a listing for the long overpriced Halburn property, immediately adjacent to Walmart.

"This should be a prime location," says the Realtor. "The location of this property is ideal for businesses that want to take advantage of Walmart's traffic and the growth of Hurricane. Unfortunately, the owner's husband has acted in ways that has alienated everyone involved. Including me. I'm not sure there's anything I can do to meet his unrealistic expectations"

Hurricane's Mayor Scott D. Edwards says "We would love to see that property developed. Getting the fat bastard whose wife owns the property out of the area will help development in the county immensely. He has done nothing but run down the value of the surrounding properties with his constant badmouthing. And frankly, their house is an eyesore."

The property owner's husband says, "I can't get to sleep because of the traffic noise. Walmart and its customers are causing the problems."

"Getting this whining tub of shit out of the neighborhood will bring more jobs to Hurricane, more restaurants and more retail. This is one of our highest priorities." says the mayor.

Other Realtors have listed the property in the past, and others have declined to list the home next to Walmart, because "the property owner's husband is such an demanding, bullying asshole".

The owner's husband says, "A prominent Teays Valley Realtor told me that he won't represent us because I am too controversial. What an IDIOT!!! We have prime location property. His comment is typical of the STUPID people that run this county."

It's probable that the property could have been sold in the past except for the exorbitant price that was being asked. At one time the seller's price was $500,000.

The Realtor says if the economy improves, the chances of a sale increase every day.

"Hurricane & Putnam County is growing every day. The whole area is becoming a business district. The sooner we can run out ignorant motherfuckers like this seller, the better off we'll be."

The seller's husband is now pleading to have his property added to the city's web site and the Putnam County Development Authority's web site, after previously stating, "The P.C.D.A. Executive Director should be tried for stupidity. The EVIL leaders of Putnam County don't have enough brains and common sense to properly plan for traffic! The P.C.D.A., the City of Hurricane, and the West Virginia Department of Highways aren't leaders, these are IDIOTS!!!!"

Mayor Edwards just shakes his head and laughs.

"Like that's going to happen," Edwards says. "He calls me names and then expects me to help him? That manatee can eat shit and die."

The owner's husband added, "Silly Scotty (Edwards) has sold his soul to Walmart's B & O taxes".

Edwards replied, "Well at least they actually pay B&O taxes, which is more than I can say about Mr. Halburn."

"The potential of this property is huge," the Realtor says. "But, it takes a seller that is willing to be reasonable and not run roughshod over any interested parties. I'm not completely convinced that's what we have here."

Mrs. Halburns' property is .618 acres. It's located within a 1/4 mile of Interstate 64, which brings in a high volume of traffic.

Wild Animal Terrorizes Lawrence County Ohio!

Publisher Victim of FRAUD!!

The other day, due to the INCOMPETANCE and INEPTITUDE of an unknown contributor, I was suckered into purchasing and publishing this cartoon:

Editorial Cartoon by Kevin Siers, Charlotte Observer
July 27, 2009

Turns out it was STOLEN by the CRAZED CARTOONER.

Artist conception by PutnamLies.com staff forensic artist.

But it was very FUNNY, and REASONABLY PRICED so I used it anyway.
I guess I was too FUCKING STUPID to notice it wasn't signed and had no attribution.

This is EVERYONE'S fault but mine.
I will no longer stand for this! This is INTENTIONAL affliction of emotional distress.
I've contacted an ATTORNEY to see if he'll take my case for nothing.
I'd get Mike Clifford if he'd take my calls!
I've notified the WV ATTORNEY GENERAL!
I've notified the PUBLIC SERVICE COMMISSION!
I've notified the FTC, FCC, FDA, FAA, USDA and Fannie Mae!
I've notified Roger Dunlap!

And on top of all this, those bastards at COMFORT SUITES and The SUMMIT GROUP have told me I can't post on the internet from work anymore.
WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE?
I don't need their stinking job. It's only for the benefits anyway. I'll show them.

Before this is over I'm gonna need another COURT ORDERED MENTAL EVALUATION!

Putnam Standard Editorial - August 2008

(PutnamLIES.com editor’s note: This article ran in The Putnam Standard on August 19,2008. We present it here in its entirety.)


8/19/2008 7:28:00 PM
Some give the whole industry a black eye

The proprietor of one of our online news competitors was recently arrested at the county pool in Eleanor after making an ass out of himself in public.

Mark Hallburn, who runs the Web site www.PutnumLive.com, was arrested last week after he intimidated a pool manager, got into the pool, and refused to leave because he claimed the pool was supposed to be open until 6 p.m., about two hours later, according to a criminal complaint.

Hallburn claims he is being harassed by the city of Hurricane and Putnam County as a whole on his Web site.

Hallburn has reportedly frequently disrupted city council meetings and other functions with similar shenanigans, an overly-aggressive attitude, and the willingness to stretch any little thing as far as he can to make whatever point he is trying to make.

While Hallburn has every right to voice his opinion and battle whichever government agency he sees fit, we wish it wasn't being done under the guise of news.

Many people don't understand how news organizations work and may not understand that just because someone calls themselves a news agency does not necessarily mean they are credible.

In this case, the antics of Hallburn discredit his credibility as a news agency and gives the business as a whole a bad name.

When one starts a news site with the intentions of harassing public officials for personal gain, it becomes problematic. For example, his frequent complaints on his Web site about the noise near his home.

We applaud anyone who challenges the status quo when it is a wrong being committed against the community or the population as a whole. But when the wrong is one that only one person with a pen cares about, it hardly fits the bill as news or a good cause for an alleged news agency to tackle.

While finding true neutrality in news reporting is nearly impossible because reporters gather information, interpret it, and write about it, we feel that striving for such neutrality and forgetting about our own personal issues is a good start.

When a reporter enters a place where he or she was told not to go, it is wrong.

There are established channels to file complaints about pool closings, noisy construction, and other issues. Writing about it repeatedly, attacking public officials over it, and going to such lengths as allegedly assaulting pool managers is not among the channels.

We are at the crest of a wave of change in the news business.

More and more people go to the Internet for their news source.

Unfortunately, operations like this one, and some of the many blogs that are making noise, have very little in common with what we have seen in the print media since its inception.

More and more of our news are coming with opinion attached that is not clearly labeled as opinion. The thin line between opinion and fact is often hard to disseminate.

We just urge everyone to look at news critically and think about the sources used in news stories to determine how much of it you believe.

Reporting the proper source is everything.

When stories appear without sources, or with questionable sources, it is a safe bet that the facts being presented could be questionable themselves.

Our own industry needs to make sure it doesn't fall into the same traps that many on the Internet have.

Our credibility depends on it.

HURRICANE STILL HAS MOST SEX OFFENDERS

HURRICANE STILL HAS THE MOST SEX OFFENDERS

There are 25 registered sex offenders in Hurricane.

One could be behind you in the line at the bank. He could be the guy at local events taking pictures of your daughter, swimming laps at the community pool, buying a sandwich at Sheetz, picking up an order at the drugstore or even living next to Walmart.

That's over 8 times more than the three that live in Winfield.

Halburn implies that Mayor Scott Edwards is somehow remiss in his duties by not "taking action".
And by not "taking action" he has somehow made Hurricane a haven for perverts.

Well, we've got news for Halburn. There's nothing the Mayor or anyone else in city government can do.

The State law was never intended to be used to inflict retribution or additional punishment on an offender.

A city has no legal authority to direct where a sex offender may or may not live, and additionally, unless specifically ordered by the court, offenders are free to live wherever and with whomever they choose.

It may not be the best solution, but it is the law.

We see exactly what Halburn is doing here. He writes a story about sex offenders in Hurricane and places the mayor's picture at the top of that article. Insinuating that the Mayor is an offender.
Are we saying that Mark Halburn is a sex offender? No. We're saying nothing of the kind.

But you know what? Turnabout is fair play.