Stroked Out!

HEALTH NEWS

According to a PutnamLIES.com source, Halburn was admitted to the hospital Monday suffering from what an initial diagnosis termed a "mild stroke". More tests are scheduled Tuesday to determine if this is the case.

Unfortunately, he is expected to live.
Sources now say it's Bell's Palsy. Well, he's going to wish he stroked out and died because half of his face will be broken. Look out son, Mr. Scary Face is here!




Then he blames...
everyone but himself.
He blames the Sheriff for arresting him and not paying his damage claims, disregarding the fact that he has never actually filed suit to get them.
He blames Joe Haynes for closing the pool at the same time every other pool in the valley closed, for not being allowed to swim whenever the fuck he wants and thinks a 50 year old pool fell apart in 4 years.
You want to see who's at fault, drooly? Just look in the mirror.

It's YOU.

You weigh 370 lbs, have high blood pressure and are a diabetic. You're a high-risk ball of fat who's at risk for repeated strokes. You sit on your big ass all day pretending to be a newsman and Google your name. Your only physical activity is waddling over to the window, shaking your fist and mumbling "excessive noise".

You're a goddamn mobile home with an anger management problem.

Nobody force fed you all those ding dongs and KFC and smacked you in the head until you went crazy.

And it's some else's fault?

It's all just a classic example of being unwilling to take any responsibility for your own actions.

As for the trash bloggers?

"I am sure they are cheering my misfortune." Hallburn says.
You're goddam right we are.

For once in his life, Halburn is right about something.

Whatever the ailment, we wish nothing but the worst to Halburn. Suffer, you drooling prick.

And the wishes start pouring in:


"A Stroke of Luck!"

Hi Mark! It's your ol' pal, Lee!

Karma's a bitch, isn't it? I believe this is God's way of telling you you're a dick.
Where to begin? First of all, it's true. We trash bloggers are all celebrating the fact you're that much closer to being the main course in the biggest pig roast Hell has ever seen. Second, once again you're blaming someone else for you being a fat ass!
We trash bloggers know you all too well, you're milking this for another sympathy angle. We also know that you have a track record of being full of shit, however, a simple phone call to the hospital can confirm all of this.
I can't help but laugh, cackle, and snort at you pointing fingers at everybody else that you can't exercise. What you, and alot of people probably don't know is, is this link I found dated a couple years ago:
http://www.putnumlive.com/SAVINGMYLIFEAJourney.html
(ed note: Sorry Lee, we don't link to shithead's site, no matter how amusing the pictures may be. But readers can get the gist of the story and the pictures on Tyler Hollywood's page: http://tylerhollywood.wordpress.com/2010/10/15/the-transformation-of-mark-halburn/)

You were gonna "Beat the Beetis!", weren't you? That lasted, what...two weeks? You had pictures of yourself taken working out...YOU WERE A BEAST!!! That first Rocky montage and music were going through your head, you were gonna get sliced like some professional wrestler!! But......something happened, didn't it? The fact that you're a lazy fat fuck happened. That fact that you don't want to work for anything happened. You missed your buckets of KFC and Nutter Butters!!
Fast-forward a few years later, people are riding your enormous backside for your bullying, lies, harassment, and general douchebaggedry. You start sweating more than usual, you start stressing and getting angrier that people are catching you in your lies, and most of all, a hot piece of ass stationed in our nation's capital has bested you. Oh yeah, you try calling local authorities, you try rallying a bunch of heifers on your side with claims that a 50 year old man is being bullied, your riding the coattails of young people committing suicide because dicks at their schools are giving them shit for something, you're doing ANYTHING to protect yourself and your lies, and you keep getting more stressed and angry to the point where your blood pressure is rising to dangerous levels. All of a sudden, your face starts to droop and your arm goes numb...

Like all of your "news" stories, it has holes in it. You claim that quacks at the hospital said you may have had Bell's Palsy, what you didn't mention is that having diabetes, because you're too lazy to exercise and eat mountains of food, triggers Bell's Palsy. It's no one's fault but yours, Mark. Again, you want to blame others for your misfortunes. You were convicted in a court-of-law for trespassing. Whatever pool you want to swim in, you have to follow the rules, but then again, this has all been said before. You know the rules, your bitch tit nipples just got all irritated when they didn't bend to your paper demands.
Now look at ya, playing the sympathy card again because you're a miserable fat fuck. I'll let you in on a little secret, Mark. I have lost over 70lbs. How did I do it? The old fashioned way, exercising! Plus, my job, you know...something you DON'T have...requires me being on my feet 8 hours a day. Drinking nothing but water helps, and jogging/walking for 3 hours at a local park helps, too...plus pumping a little iron thrown in for good measure. I worked at it...and working at something is something that's foreign to you.
You're lying in a hospital bed, what I assume is a bariatric bed because you are stupid as you are wide, blaming others but yourself. You know what all this is called, Markie boy? Your shit catching up to you! But, I could type until my fingers bleed, it won't get through to you because you know everything! Everyone is out to get you! We trash bloggers could care less...we already have a "death pool" going on as to when you finally do keel over. So, keep walking the path you're on, fat boy! The devil and all his friends are licking their chops!


If any other readers have any wishes for Li'l Marky send them to: putnamlies.com@gmail.com and we'll make sure they're passed along.