Once again you can be the scariest fat kid on your block with the Official PutnamLIES.com Mark Hallburn Halloween Mask.
Download Full Size PDF
Print it out, cut it out & put it on!
(straitjacket not included)
Go to the Hurricane Walmart.
Go to Hurricane City Hall.
Go swimming (only when the pool's closed, of course.)
Be a substitute teacher in Kanawha County! (no qualifications needed)
Go Trick or Treating at Fatso's house.
Do anything you want!
You're Mark Fucking Hallburn!
Scare your friends!
Scare your neighbors!
They'll run. They'll cry.
They'll shit their pants!
Many thanks!
Happy Halloween!
Update: Readers have asked for it and now it's here!
New for 2010, the PutnamLIES.com Strokey Mark Mask!
Now with 75% more scare!
Download Full Size PDF
Eeek!! The scariest mask of the year surfaces yet again.
ReplyDeleteOne little problem, it needs to be modified with the drooping left side and the drool!
ReplyDeleteIt's heeeeere!
ReplyDeleteI'll show you what's scary, Halburn's well-wishes from his "readers":
ReplyDelete"Readers Wish Hallburn A Speedy Recovery
You are in my prayers and I hope you are up and feeling better soon. Isn’t amazing how you can still work when you are in the hospital. Do not work too hard on anything but getting better!
Carole Shortt
St. Albans
I wanted to send this email to make sure you are ok... I saw the article on your site about you suffering a mild stroke... I hope this communication finds you well...
You need to take care of yourself - for your wife and son... I am sure STRESS played a huge role in what is happening to you, health wise...
I can relate... But I hope you are feeling better and will be back to 100% soon...
You and your family will be in my prayers...
Tifney Terry
Cincinnati Ohio
I hope your feeling better after the minor stroke. I enjoy your website and hope you recover fully to continue your reporting.
Mike Forkins
Hurricane
We are shocked to hear about your condition. We will put you on our prayer list and hope you will be better and home soon.
Jerry and Karen Lilly
Hurricane
Hang in there, we are all praying!
Sherilynn J Thompson
Huntington Beach, California
I'll be praying for your family!
Dan Abston
Charleston
On my knees now...
Beth Bolton
Hallsville, Texas
Prayers coming your way from Oregon.
Dara Hively Dillon
Fairview, Oregon
Keeping you guys in my thoughts and prayers.
Anitra Bostick-Cole
Charleston"
I bet the one on "her" knees was Troy Suxton, fellating Halburn's giblets with his sideburns.
I also like the one that said they were "amazed" how Halburn was able to "work" from the hospital. Droopburn is used to typing with one hand...
The only stress Droolburn gets is the shit we give him for being a drain on the health care system...and life in general. He doesn't work, just walks like the Hunchback of Notre Dame now pretending to be a big reporter man, isn't that right, BellsPalsyBurn???
He drools more than that.
ReplyDeleteAnd that's without the Bells Palsy.
ReplyDelete