This is the captain speaking

Some misguided sailors on this ship still think they can pull a fast one on me. Well, they're very much mistaken. I will not be made a fool of! Do you hear me?


When I went off the deep end last time, the court made me go in for a mental exam. I have no idea why. They said it was for forensic purposes, but I haven't seen it on CSI yet. Where the hell do they get off thinking that there's ANYTHING wrong with me? They're the ones with the PROBLEMS!

Here's a copy of my mental evaluation.

The investigative team at PutnamLies.com has uncovered some of the SHOCKING details from the report:

"It is considered highly unlikely that even an individual who has sustained severe brain damage would perform this poorly.”
"extremely hostile and verbally aggressive"
"His insight was significantly limited"
"Significant symptom exaggeration"
"anger, hostility, paranoid ideation and agitation were significantly elevated"
"ideas of persecution"
"potential for acting out on aggressive impulses"
"narcissistic and paranoid traits"
"severe personality disorder"
"propensity for aggressive behavior"

"Any threats made by Mr. Halburn should be taken seriously and dealt with appropriately"

They said I wadn't right in the head and they put me in there in the nervous hospital.

Threats? I'll threaten them. Wait a minute, I never said that. That was Putnam Johnny.

Blah, blah, blah, about the only thing they left out was "danger to himself and others." What a bunch of QUACKS!!!

What do these guys know? That's their opinion. They're INCOMPETENT and were RUDE to me. They're trying to make me look BAD! They're part of the CONSPIRACY to shut me up! They were hired by LAWYERS! I'll bet they're the people charging up and down the hill blasting their horns and making the grates go clang-clang. They should come to my house and listen to the EXCESSIVE NOISE that I have to put up with every day! They'd change their minds then! Unless they want to buy me out for 75 million dollars, they can all SHUT UP!! Walmart, AEP, Scotty Edwards, the PCDA, the Amish, and Waste Management are all watching me! I've seen them. I KNOW they broke into my house while I was asleep and implanted a WIRE in my anus so they could control my bowel movements!!! I'm right, everybody else is wrong. Everyone is against me!!! They'll pay!!! I'll make everyone pay!!!!! I'm a REPORTER!! I'm a SUBSTITUTE TEACHER!!!
NUTS? I'll show them!!! MY BRAIN HURTS!!!
ARRRGGGHHH!!!! Doctor. You have testified that the following symptoms exist in Lieutenant-Commander Queeg's behavior. Rigidity of personality, feelings of persecution, unreasonable suspicion, a mania for perfection, and a neurotic certainty that he is always in the right. Doctor isn't there one psychiatric term for this illness?


Yes. It's called Halburn's Syndrome.

Many Thanks!