Happy Halburn-idays 2010

It was another big Christmas at the house my wife owns.
Now that all the excitement has died down, I thought I'd share some of the joy with you.




We started off the holiday when a bunch of relatives came to visit. They may move in later this year.




We had our feast the night before Christmas this year. This one couldn't be beat.



The boy got me this mouse pad. Cheap little bastard.
I gave him an ass whipping.



I'm glad I got one of these. Now my butt boy Jay doesn't have to run over every time I want a cosmopolitan. They're much tastier than Bartles & Jaymes.



Somebody put some coal in my stocking though. I don't know who would do something like that. I've been a good little boy this year.
Probably those darn trash bloggers again.



Someone had a little too much egg nog again.
I told him if he still couldn't handle his liquor better that he'd have to move out.
Really though. What can you do with relatives?

The folks at PutnamLIES.com gave me even more shit this year.
What a great Christmas!
Many Thanks!
I hope the new year is just as good!

Merry Christmas

From Putnam County's fattest Santa and his Ho Ho Ho.



Another Christmas is destroyed by EXCESSIVE NOISE.

I am awakened during the night by some kind of jingling bells coming from a sled in the neighborhood and someone laughing loudly. HOW RUDE!!! There is NO reason why someone should be so rude!!! What kind of IDIOT would do such a thing so late at night?

We can't even get peace and quiet ON CHRISTMAS EVE!

Peace on Earth and good will to all especially Walmart, AEP, Scott Edwards, Steve Andes, Raymond "Joe" Haynes (do the Amish even celebrate Christmas?), Mike Hall, Mark Sorsaia, Gary Walton, Ben Newhouse, Girl of Words, Lee, Lenny, Tyler Hollywood, Harry Stamper, and all the great readers and commenters at PutnamLIES.com!

I can't wait to show everyone what I got!!!

Here's to ya!

Merry Christmas To All Our Readers!

Here's one of the holiday pictures I love the most.
I hope you're as excited as I am.



I guess it's OK for me to use Santa Claus as a keyword for the next few days.

Sights Of The Season

Neediest Cases

More Computers Would Make Difference For Man

Mark, 49, is married and has one child. He
lives in a filthy but modest $379,000 house owned by his mother-in-law and wife. Other down on their luck family members live there on a transient basis.

His wife is the sole support. Mark works several menial jobs so that he can feel that he is contributing, but it's barely enough to put gas in either of his two vehicles. In fact, he's so needy he can only afford one brand new car, the other is almost 6 years old. He works sometimes as substitute baby sitter for the local school system but he can only work there until they find out about his record. He now shakes the farts out of shirttails at a local laundry.

He also has a severe personality disorder that makes it difficult for him to hold a job or interact with normal people. His weight makes it difficult to do much except his hobby of running what he calls an "internet news site". A number of arrests also hamper his ability to get along in the area.
"He's obese, balding and very difficult. He complains constantly. He only has 3 computers. Yeah, really, 3!" said the social worker familiar with his case.

He is also in dire need of new flat screen televisions. His 8 old TVs are all conventional tube models. The 50 inch TV in the living room is barely big enough for him to see his favorite food programs. The rent to own payments are very expensive.

They desperately need more computers for the family room and the child's room of their home. They frequently host guests who like "different" web sites.

Won't you please help a needy, hateful old bastard have a Merry Christmas?

Needs: Computers or any other objects of value (beds, HDTVs, used condoms, etc).


Cases published in PutnamLIES.com's Neediest Cases have not been verified by anyone.
Contributions may be thrown onto the front lawn of 194 Grace Drive in Hurricane.

Here He Blows Again!

Halburn's Stats A Sham

Halburn likes to brag about how many hits his cluttered advertising shopper gets. Over 40,000 in November. He says.
We say bullshit. He's a liar.

It's called click fraud.


We have a counter too!

Let us clarify exactly what that counter does.
It counts page hits not actual individuals. So if one person reads 20 pages, it counts them as 20 visitors. Or if a certain fatbody sits around and reloads a page 150 times, guess what? 150 visitors.
And his newest scam is to write a little intro to the article he links to so the reader is forced to go to another page to get the actual link. That way he increases his hit count for anything anyone wants to read.
Here's what the guy that "redesigned" Halburn's blog has to say about hit counters:

"Please, don’t fall for claims from website hosting companies that promise to bring hundreds or even thousands of potential customers to your website… if only you let them build and host it for you. These are false claims! Even if you see high traffic numbers on your hit-counter, it is very likely being done by fraudulent means.

The Facts about Hit Counters
Hit counters on websites can be set high and raised at anytime with very little effort. A brand new website can be shown as having 1 million hits with a 2 second code change. Website hit counters do not reflect unique visitors – they don’t even necessarily reflect ANY visitors at all.

Some Companies Pay People To Browse The Web
Why in the world would a company PAY someone to surf the web… unless they got something out of it? Recently, a large web hosting company was paying people directly to repeatedly visit websites they promised high hit rates! Meaning these were never potential customers to begin with, just paid visits who loaded your page, then moved on to another site they were paid to visit.

Server Software Can Fake Hits
However, hosting companies don’t have to pay anyone to surf web pages these days. There are many software programs that web hosting companies can run on their server to run up artificial hit rates when they promise a hit count they can’t really deliver.

One such program is “I-Faker”. It promises to send as many unique hits a day as their server can handle. Using PHP, it routes HTTP get requests through a massive list of anonymous proxy servers which can be defined by the company. The advertisement for this software says that even banner ads on the site get hits. It is not only a fake hit generator, but it can in conjunction with the Alexa tracker improve your Alexa rankings.

All the traffic sent by the fake traffic PHP script is unique and shows up as unique in your website and server stats."

Straight from the horse's mouth, so to speak.

This is exactly what we're saying he's doing. Artificially inflating his stats to make his site more attractive to his so called advertisers.

So here's a little warning to those who may be thinking of advertising with this reprobate.
These numbers are completely unverified and he has no way to do so. He can make up a number and say that's how many people have visited.

BTW, we've had 9161576 visitors since we've started.

Related story: Hallburn's Readership Stats Disproven!

Smith Loses On Appeal

Toady's Trespassing Conviction Upheld


Life in Putnam County: Police officer tells reporter to leave building, reporter refuses and is arrested for trespassing. Legal system holds him responsible.

Lawrence J. Smith, a Halburn sycophant and alleged reporter, had his trespassing conviction upheld Wednesday in Putnam Circuit Court.

Smith was cited on March 12 by Hurricane Police Officer Chris Eggleton after he was ordered numerous times to leave Hurricane police headquarters and each time refused to do so.

Smith was there demanding to see a file concerning Matthew Wagner and an incident at the Creekside Cafe, a PutnumLive.com "advertiser".

When he was refused access, Smith became "belligerent" and the police were called.

(ed. note: This case resulted in a lawsuit filed in February 2010.
Bradley McDaniel vs. Creek Side Cafe LLC dba Creek Side Cafe and Matthew Wagner.
McDaniel says Wagner was an underage customer at Creek Side Cafe on March 21, 2009, when Wagner hit him causing serious and permanent injuries. Putnam Co. case number: 10-C-75
Did PutnumLive.com report this case as he does every other lawsuit filing? Are you kidding? He never even covered the original incident. And do you think he'd offend an "advertiser"? Advertising bias at its finest.)

Halburn implies that Smith was justified in his actions because the city violated the FOIA law.
That has no bearing on the trespass. The law is simple. If you're asked to leave, you leave. Why you're there is not important.
It was priceless to see the look on Smith's chubby face when the trespassing charge was upheld.

A few words of wisdom to Smith: Halburn is using you for his own nefarious purposes. And has been for years. If you can't see that, you're dumber than he is.
Now you've got a conviction on your record.
Real smart move gordo, taking advice from a convicted trespasser with a string of arrests.
Wise up. Don't be a Halburn.