It’s Christmas!!!

Another Not So Merry Christmas

It was another depressing Christmas for me this year.

After being thrown out of the home where I lived for almost 10 years, I was left to fend for myself. After failing in South Carolina, I was forced to move back to West Virginia, where I spent the holiday all alone because I'm an unfit father.

Now that all the excitement has died down, I thought I'd share some of the joy with you.

The fun started for me on Christmas Eve. I met some great guys at a dumpster where I was diving for Coke points and they told me about a place that served dinner FREE!

I had a feast with my family, my NEW family. This one couldn't be beat. Best of all, it was all free!!! Suckers!

Afterward, I waddled back to my HUD garage apartment.

 

All the excitement (and free fish sticks) got to me and I fell asleep underneath the tree in my new crib.

I was awoken during the night to find Santa standing over me. As I looked up at him he said:

When I looked on Christmas morning, all I got was some coal in my stocking.

 

Why would Santa do something like that? I'll bet Chip Watkins, Mike Kelly  and those darn trash bloggers put him up to it. They're all out to get me. I think I've been a good little boy this year. There was that arrest and those two restraining orders but I don't think he'd hold those against me.

The folks at PutnamLIES.com did give me even more shit this year than last year if that's possible.

Later I went over and drowned my sorrows with a big bucket of my favorite Christmas pick me up.

What a crappy Christmas. I guess I'm still not used to it yet.

I hope the new year is better! It couldn't get much worse. I just hope I'm not in jail next Christmas.
 

Many Thanks!

Merry Christmas!

From Scumbar's Scumbag Santa.



Another Christmas is destroyed by EXCESSIVE NOISE.

I am awakened during the night by some kind of jingling bells coming from a sled in the neighborhood and someone laughing loudly. HOW RUDE!!! There is NO reason why someone should be so rude!!! What kind of IDIOT would do such a thing so late at night?

I'm living in a garage apartment in Dunbar and I still can't get any peace and quiet ON CHRISTMAS EVE!

Peace on Earth and good will to all especially Mike Kelly, William Watkins, AEP, Scott Edwards, Steve Andes, Raymond "Joe" Haynes (do the Amish even celebrate Christmas?), Mark Sorsaia, Gary Walton, Ben Newhouse, Girl of Words, Lee, Lenny, Tyler Hollywood, Tybois, Harry Stamper, and all the great readers and commenters at PutnamLIES.com!

You know what I got for Christmas?

Nothing!

Here's to ya!

A Not So Merry Christmas

It was a pretty depressing Christmas for me this year.
Most of you know that my wife deserted me over a month ago, leaving me to fend for myself. But, I was able to pick myself up and find a really great place to live.

Now that all the excitement has died down, I thought I'd share some of the joy with you.

I got such a big tree this year that I had to move out of my bedroom.

It's OK though, the rest of my place is so luxurious that I don't mind sleeping in another room.
Well, it's kind of like another room but it's outside. I do get plenty of fresh air though!!!


I had a feast with my family, my NEW family, the night before Christmas this year. This one couldn't be beat. Best of all, it was all free!!!
Later I went over and drowned my sorrows with a big bucket of my favorite Christmas pick me up.

Then the big day came.

Somebody put some coal in my stocking. I don't know who would do something like that. Probably Joe Haynes or those darn trash bloggers again. I think I've been a good little boy this year.

The folks at PutnamLIES.com gave me even more shit this year.
What a crappy Christmas. I guess I'd better get used to it.

I hope the new year is better! It couldn't get much worse.
Many Thanks!

Merry Christmas!

From Putnam County's homeless Santa.



Another Christmas is destroyed by EXCESSIVE NOISE.

I am awakened during the night by some kind of jingling bells coming from a sled in the neighborhood and someone laughing loudly. HOW RUDE!!! There is NO reason why someone should be so rude!!! What kind of IDIOT would do such a thing so late at night?

I'm living in a dumpster behind Wally World and I still can't get any peace and quiet ON CHRISTMAS EVE!

Peace on Earth and good will to all especially Walmart, AEP, Scott Edwards, Steve Andes, Raymond "Joe" Haynes (do the Amish even celebrate Christmas?), Mark Sorsaia, Gary Walton, Ben Newhouse, Girl of Words, Lee, Lenny, Tyler Hollywood, Tybois, Harry Stamper, and all the great readers and commenters at PutnamLIES.com!

You know what I got for Christmas?

Nothing!

Here's to ya!

A Creepy Christmas Card

Neediest Cases

Real Job, New Place To Live Would Make Difference For Man

Mark, 50, was married and had one child until his second
wife divorced him. He once lived in a modest $299,000 house owned by his mother-in-law and wife until they threw him out.

His wife was his sole support. Mark worked several menial jobs so that he could feel that he was contributing, but it was barely enough to put gas in his cheap Korean sub-compact car. In fact, his plight is now so bad that recently he's been forced to sleep in the car when his favorite dumpster is unavailable.
He sometimes works as substitute baby sitter for a local school system but he can only work there until they find out about his record. He mostly drives around aimlessly looking for children to photograph.

Mark has a severe personality disorder that makes it difficult for him to hold a job or interact with normal people. His weight makes it difficult to do much except his hobby of running what he calls an "internet news site". A number of arrests also hamper his ability to get along in the area. He was recently banned from all parks in Putnam County.
"He's obese, balding and very difficult. He complains constantly. He's already gone through 2 wives. Seriously, 2! How in the world did he fool two women into marrying him?" said a social worker familiar with his case.

He is in dire need of a place to live and a new wife to support him..

Won't you please help a needy, hateful old bastard have a Merry Christmas?

Needs: Cardboard boxes to sleep in, old blankets, a gullible naive desperate woman.

Cases published in PutnamLIES.com's Neediest Cases have not been verified by anyone.
Contributions may be left in front of the third dumpster from the right behind the Walmart in Hurricane.

Happy Halburn-idays 2010

It was another big Christmas at the house my wife owns.
Now that all the excitement has died down, I thought I'd share some of the joy with you.




We started off the holiday when a bunch of relatives came to visit. They may move in later this year.




We had our feast the night before Christmas this year. This one couldn't be beat.



The boy got me this mouse pad. Cheap little bastard.
I gave him an ass whipping.



I'm glad I got one of these. Now my butt boy Jay doesn't have to run over every time I want a cosmopolitan. They're much tastier than Bartles & Jaymes.



Somebody put some coal in my stocking though. I don't know who would do something like that. I've been a good little boy this year.
Probably those darn trash bloggers again.



Someone had a little too much egg nog again.
I told him if he still couldn't handle his liquor better that he'd have to move out.
Really though. What can you do with relatives?

The folks at PutnamLIES.com gave me even more shit this year.
What a great Christmas!
Many Thanks!
I hope the new year is just as good!

Merry Christmas

From Putnam County's fattest Santa and his Ho Ho Ho.



Another Christmas is destroyed by EXCESSIVE NOISE.

I am awakened during the night by some kind of jingling bells coming from a sled in the neighborhood and someone laughing loudly. HOW RUDE!!! There is NO reason why someone should be so rude!!! What kind of IDIOT would do such a thing so late at night?

We can't even get peace and quiet ON CHRISTMAS EVE!

Peace on Earth and good will to all especially Walmart, AEP, Scott Edwards, Steve Andes, Raymond "Joe" Haynes (do the Amish even celebrate Christmas?), Mike Hall, Mark Sorsaia, Gary Walton, Ben Newhouse, Girl of Words, Lee, Lenny, Tyler Hollywood, Harry Stamper, and all the great readers and commenters at PutnamLIES.com!

I can't wait to show everyone what I got!!!

Here's to ya!

Merry Christmas To All Our Readers!

Here's one of the holiday pictures I love the most.
I hope you're as excited as I am.



I guess it's OK for me to use Santa Claus as a keyword for the next few days.

Sights Of The Season

Neediest Cases

More Computers Would Make Difference For Man

Mark, 49, is married and has one child. He
lives in a filthy but modest $379,000 house owned by his mother-in-law and wife. Other down on their luck family members live there on a transient basis.

His wife is the sole support. Mark works several menial jobs so that he can feel that he is contributing, but it's barely enough to put gas in either of his two vehicles. In fact, he's so needy he can only afford one brand new car, the other is almost 6 years old. He works sometimes as substitute baby sitter for the local school system but he can only work there until they find out about his record. He now shakes the farts out of shirttails at a local laundry.

He also has a severe personality disorder that makes it difficult for him to hold a job or interact with normal people. His weight makes it difficult to do much except his hobby of running what he calls an "internet news site". A number of arrests also hamper his ability to get along in the area.
"He's obese, balding and very difficult. He complains constantly. He only has 3 computers. Yeah, really, 3!" said the social worker familiar with his case.

He is also in dire need of new flat screen televisions. His 8 old TVs are all conventional tube models. The 50 inch TV in the living room is barely big enough for him to see his favorite food programs. The rent to own payments are very expensive.

They desperately need more computers for the family room and the child's room of their home. They frequently host guests who like "different" web sites.

Won't you please help a needy, hateful old bastard have a Merry Christmas?

Needs: Computers or any other objects of value (beds, HDTVs, used condoms, etc).


Cases published in PutnamLIES.com's Neediest Cases have not been verified by anyone.
Contributions may be thrown onto the front lawn of 194 Grace Drive in Hurricane.