Nice Day For a White Wedding

It's A Nice Day to Start Again!

At 7 pm Halburn posts this to his Facebook Wall:

"Guys: How would you feel about your son walking your ex-wife/his mother down the aisle to marry another man?"

Surprisingly enough, all his flying monkeys seemed to agree with the idea. 19 out of 20 commenters approved.
Even the most misogynistic of his unfit father buddies was supportive.

Oops. That backfired on Li'l Marky.

And 3 hours later, he's back pedaling.

"I never said this is ME!

A customer of mine just discovered that his ex is getting married on Saturday and is having their son walk her down the aisle. He feels disrespected and I agree with him. At no point was he asked for his opinion. This came out, in a conversation, today, when he just started shaking in the middle of our transaction... I asked him, casually, "What's wrong?" And he dropped the bomb... I've been thinking about it ever since... He and I both say that he should have at least been asked as it is THEIR son...

And, this question is for GUYS..."

Except it IS about him. His second ex-wife is getting remarried.

Ohhhhh. I didn't say it stood for "on crack," I asked the question.
What a sexist asshole! She should ask HIS permission. What a fuckstick.

Notice how it turns into "asking for a friend" once everybody was like "Grow up, Mark"

Apparently whatever retail job he's got now he's like the fucking bartender in Casablanca and people are gonna just share their deeply personal troubles with him in line at a store.
Does he have a new job or is this just stuff people talk about when they're getting their Obamaphones?

It's like he's goddamned Lucy Van Pelt. May as well set up a cardboard booth!

Who wants to tell a chronic complainer their problems?  I'd say all anyone who has any interaction with him wants to do is get the hell away from him.

 You can fuck off, fatman.
 It's not your party anymore.
You don't get a vote about how the new wedding will operate.

On the bright side, maybe she could get him to take photos.

Step two: That episode of the show where they file the paperwork for the new dad to adopt the boy.

HALBURN TRIES NEW SYMPATHY PLOY

"Back in 2006, I had a similar situation... After a week of heart tests, they found: 1) I had an allergic reaction to some food. 2) My heart is BACKWARDS. LITTERALLY BACKWARDS! After a discussion, they decided against open heart surgery. (I was 44 and had lived that long without it...) My cardiologist looked at me STRAIGHT FACED and told me not to play professional basketball or football. (Baseball doesn't put as much stress on the heart.) REALLY? At 44, what were the odds that I would be signed by a NBA or NFL team? ROFL!"

 

We're calling BULLSHIT on this one!
That’s a pretty big-ticket sympathy item for him to have never brought up until right now.
Never in any of his prior attempts to get sympathy for anything has this come out.

And since we've been nailing him for using a child as a sympathy ploy, he's had to stop that pathetic practice.He’s not dishonoring the memory of a dead child because he can’t get away with it anymore.

And, really? No doctor in any way caught that before then? Interesting.
That sounds a little major. Like it would have caused some kind of issue earlier in life, before he was morbidly obese.

And as stated in his 2008 mental evaluation when he was 47 years old:
"a). On hospital admission to Putnam General Hospital on July 28, 2006,Mr. Halburn was seen by Enrique Santana, M.D., and patient gave a history of sleep apnea for two years with the use of a C-PAP machine.
b). On July 31, 2006, Mr. Halburn had a cardiac catheterization which was unremarkable"

You’d think a heart cath would have caught that and wouldn’t have labeled A BACKWARDS FUCKING HEART as “unremarkable."

Well, fortunately, he’s at zero risk of being an athlete, because nobody’s gone pro in eating or stalking yet.
We would be surprised if he even has a heart considering the way he treats his second ex-wife and son.

Too bad it's not true.
Maybe he would die sooner.

21st Century Appliance Service Lies

In another one of his fictional "pat myself on the back" episodes, Halburn claimed last night that his neighbor's Sears refrigerator broke and he needed it repaired the next day but Sears had closed several hours ago. This was at 12:30 in the morning.

 

Ol' Fats decides he'll jump in and help by calling a Sears store in HONOLULU because it's 5 hours BEHIND the eastern time zone and is STILL OPEN! (Free long distance is his friend!) Doesn't matter that almost everyone has free long distance these days.

Then he claims that he did this once before and the repairman was so amazed that he offered him $50 to tell him how he was able to book repair appointments in the middle of the night. He continues and says he was able to talk the repairman into upping his offer and giving him a "benji" to do it.

It's the 21st century, dipshit. You don't need to call an actual Sears store. You can reach Sears Appliance & Home Repair and schedule a repair appointment 24 hours a day. And with a toll free number.

The whole story is total bullshit.
Like him claiming to have run over and killed a robbery suspect, the after concert car crash rescue, and the cat rescue
.
More self serving lies from a narcissistic congenital liar.

HALBURN'S CAT RESCUE STORY IS A HOAX

More Lies From The Lying Liar
PutnamLIES Exposes Another Hoax

Remember a few years ago when Halburn rescued a family from a flaming car crash? Well, that was bullshit and we proved it.
Now he's pumping out another lie in order to make himself look good for his Facebook sycophants who think he's a swell guy.

These type of incidents always seem to happen around the same time Halburn has gotten into some sort of trouble. This one appears to be instigated by his conflict with Congressman Mooney's office and their notification of federal law enforcement.

Week before last, on Tuesday, January 19, before all the snow hit, he claimed a cat that hung out near his shitty garage apartment ran inside to escape the cold and parked himself on his saggy ass, crusty mattress.

"How cold is it? My town has a stray cat problem. There is one that hangs out near MY home. For THREE YEARS he wouldn't let me get near him. Last night it was about 4 degrees when I came home. As I opened my front door, guess who rushed inside? When I woke up this morning, guess who was sound asleep under my comforters?"

All of his toadies begged him to show them a photo of the sweet little kitty, but the vaunted reporter and photographer was unable to take even one picture.
Pretty convenient that a guy with a camera permanently hanging around his neck 24/7 took no pictures of the cat. None.
His excuse? "Apparently (the cat) was abused, because EVERY time I held up a camera to take his picture, he ran to hide."
Right.
Because a sleeping cat is so hard to photograph.
You know why there are no pictures? Because it NEVER HAPPENED!

So he then he says he named the cat Simba and since he couldn't keep it, he took it to a "no-kill" shelter the next day. It's there that the really big whoppers began.

"He returned tonight. Right now "Simba" (yes, I named him) is sound asleep in the middle of my bed, between two comforters after enjoying a bowl of warm milk and a can of cat food... I set up a litter box and he used it before going to sleep, so I know that he is housebroken. I am not allowed to have pets, so tomorrow I will take Simba to an animal shelter where I know the director will make sure that Simba finds a loving, forever home. No more freezing weather for him."

On Wednesday, a few hours after he allegedly took the imaginary feline to the shelter, he claims he received a call from the cat's owner - "Louise." She was supposedly given his telephone number by the shelter.  "Louise" just wanted to call and thank him - from Florida - where she moved about six years ago. Good thing the imaginary cat had an imaginary microchip. 
The cat allegedly escaped from "Louise's" burning home and never returned. 
Halburn just had to point out that coincidentally, it was was only about 4 miles from where he lives now.

Good thing for "Louise" that she kept her cell number when she moved to Tampa JUST IN CASE the cat ever ever showed up again. "Louise" even wanted Halburn to be there so that she could thank him on Friday or Saturday when she arrived in West Virginia for the reunion.

Snowfall Amounts Across West Virginia

On Thursday, the 21st, on the eve of the biggest snowstorm in 20 years, he says "Louise" managed to get a flight from Orlando that connected into Huntington and was reunited with her LONG lost cat. 

More Bullshit. There was no flight from Orlando to Huntington on that day.
One flight from Charlotte arrived hours after he made his post. One flight was from Beckley. Two from Fedex Memphis. Both Cargo. One From Clearwater. Two others from Charlotte arrived at 10:19am & 3:40pm.
And if she lived in Tampa, why would she drive to Orlando to fly when it would be much easier to fly right out of Tampa?

And as for the heartbreaking reunion? As expected he had a convenient excuse about why he wasn't there. He was at work and couldn't attend the happy event. But luckily for him, they put it all on speakerphone so he could listen.
There would have been NOTHING that would have kept Halburn from that reunion. He thrives on attention and praise and he would have quit his job before missing it and dragged himself through broken glass to get there.

We're just surprised he didn't use his standard self-serving excuse of, "Grab your Kleenex. I really would like to share the heart warming pictures, but "Louise" requested that I keep them private."




A check with the Kanawha County Animal Shelter shows only two cats were brought in on that Wednesday, both by women.

New Hope in Putnam County isn't a public shelter that generally takes strays. Little Victories in Milton, isn't really a shelter either. It's a rescue.
His response to something like this will probably be, "I didn't SAY where it happened or WHICH no-kill shelter! Happy hunting!"

The most telling thing is that any animal shelter where something like this happened would be promoting the shit out of this if it were true. The publicity would be priceless. There hasn't been a peep from any shelter about this.

There was no cat. There was no "Louise" and there was no touching reunion.
Why does Halburn feel the need to pat himself on the back before his adoring audience of ass kissers?

And now, as Paul Harvey used to say, for the rest of the story.

His first post on the 19th about the non-existent cat just happened to show up hours after an almost identical story appeared on the web:

http://www.northjersey.com/news/cat-that-pulled-vanishing-act-will-return-to-owners-by-jet-1.1494857

Can you guess where he got the idea for his lie?

The real original story ran on the 16th.

http://www.newbernsj.com/article/20160116/NEWS/160119284

Cat's missing owners found — 1,800 miles away

He saw this somewhere before the AP picked it up.

Even the Gazette picked the story up on 1/28/16

January 28, 2016

January 28, 2016

http://www.wvgazettemail.com/life/20160128/man-drives-1700-miles-braves-blizzard-to-retrieve-lost-cat

If only something like that would happen around here.
All of his "memories" and "stories" are just co-opted events that happened to other people. 

Like Father Like Son

Kar Killer
No-Shame November continues for Halburn
 
Halburn follows in the steps of his Dad when he admits to killing someone with a car.

Not sure what brought this lie on.
He was responding to one of those inane "Twenty Six Things about me" Facebook lists, when for the letter K he wrote this:

"K- Killed someone?: Yes. In 1994 I purposely ran over a man in a parking lot that was shooting at the retail store where he just robbed a clerk. He landed about 150 feet away... The gun went farther. The cops thanked me!"

Now, this is a guy who will trot out the most outlandish stories to gain sympathy but there's never ever been a reason for him to use this to his back-patting advantage until now?
This is something that would have been on every media outlet in the country had it actually happened.

This ranks right up there with his lie of saving the family from the burning car.

He should have followed that with "L- I'm a congenital liar."