Local douchebag Mark Hallburn was spotted this evening at the KFC down the hill from his house, consuming all the free grilled chicken in the restaurant.
"It's free, so I took it all. Fuck them, I'm Mark Halburn!" he said.
"I waited on the couch all day for Colonel Sanders to come back to life and feed me, but nothing happened. I've contacted a lawyer and we are exploring legal action."
Colonel Sanders is still dead and was unavailable for comment.
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