CHRISTMAS WISHES TO ALL OUR READERS

Here's one of the holiday pictures I love the most.
I hope you're as excited as I am.



I guess it's OK for me to use Santa Claus as a keyword for the next few days.

Letters To The Publisher
"The People's Voice"

Ask Before You Give To Halburn
One of the traits that I respect the most about West Virginians is how generous we are. People can always be counted upon to help a neighbor who is having trouble making ends meet. Whether it is the need for a TV, coupons for formula for a retarded child, or free laptops.

But unfortunately there are dishonest people who know this about us and are looking to take advantage of it. They are looking to play on our willingness to help each other. Actually, there is only one. His name is Mark Halburn.

Halburns are only looking to make a dollar for themselves and not the people who really need it.

There are charities in West Virginia that have been doing good work for years. There are soup kitchens, domestic violence shelters, and free clinics that provide valuable services to the people who otherwise would not be able to afford them. Mark Halburn and his friend Troy Suxton have been taking advantage of all of these services, taking away from those who actually need them.

Just how much money are we talking about? Would you believe the figure is in the billions?
According to the most recent figures compiled by the Secretary of State’s Office, in the past year... more than $1.2 billion dollars to put up with his assholery.

Halburn is always looking for more ways to take when the holidays draw near. Hopefully, you will not be a target of a Halburning. There are some easy ways that you can spot a Halburn, protect yourself from the scam, and then notify the authorities to help protect others.

Here some easy to remember ways to spot a Halburn:

- Evasive, vague, or unresponsive answers to specific questions.

- Making up a submitter's name then changing it when called out.

- Allowing you no way to comment on his shitty website.
- Reserves the right at any time when you decide to not donate to mention his dead daughter

- Emotional appeals that are supposed make you feel guilty about not donating to his retarded son and dead daughter.
- Crisco stains on decomposing sweatpants.
- Bills or invoices sent to you even though you never pledged money to the organization.

If you have any questions regarding Halburn, write down the name and then log on to putnamlies.com. There, you will find a complete listing of all manners of Halburn assholery. State law says if Halburn's business doesn’t expect to raise more than $5 in one year they do not have to register.

There are so many worthy charities doing good work in our state. These charities will continue to do their good work as long as there are caring people in West Virginia who give what they can. Please support legitimate needy cases, and not this asshole, his retarded kid, his obviously brain damaged wife, his mother, Christy, PutnamJohnny, Sal Marino, or any of the other "people" who "reside" at 194 Grace Drive.

The Secretary of State’s Office has provided exceptional tools that you can use to make sure you do not become a victim of Halburn fraud.

Thank you, and Happy Holidays!

Tate Nutts
Halburn Antics Watchdog Group
www.hawg.org

FUCKHEAD SAYS HURRICANE LEVY NO LONGER NEEDED
Claims City Already Has Enough Money


There was a time when the
City of Hurricane was a quiet little town.
That time has come
and gone.

Because several years ago, an out of state douchebag
moved to town and immediately started causing trouble.

Now, in an unsigned "editorial" that is nothing more than another one of his thinly disguised personal rants,
Mark Halburn continues to unethically promote his own self interest by ostensibly railing against an excess levy.
It's really nothing more than a continuation of his personal vendetta against local politicians and government employees. Sure, nobody likes paying their taxes, especially goatse boy, but this goes beyond that.

He whines that the Hurricane city council "arrogantly refused to vote to pave the last dirt road in town."
What road might that be?
Grace Drive of course. The very street that the author lives on.
Is this fact disclosed in the article?
Of course not.

Then he says, "Since the last Excess Levy passed, electric and water rates have had double-digit percentage increases. Gasoline prices are at $2.55 a gallon and were above $4 a gallon, causing a huge financial strain on families and businesses that they are just starting to recover from. Putnam County voters recently generously passed a school bond that will increase their property taxes at a time when many are without jobs or have taken pay cuts. Health insurance premiums are at record levels."

But that only happened to you, right?
No, dickwad, it happened to everyone, INCLUDING city governments.
Their costs have gone up too, same as everybody else.

And he continues,"...Hurricane voters can't afford afford to vote for a renewal of the Excess Levy. The $8 a month figure that Edwards is using in his rhetoric adds up to $96 a year, which most of us can use to pay a utility bill."

$8.00 a week? You eat that much in candy bars, fatboy.
You know what, asshole? Our utility bills might not be as expensive if you'd quit filing frivolous complaints with the PSC every time your power goes out for 9 minutes.

Then he wants someone to, "Convince the Putnam County Development Authority to redevelop the neighborhood next to Walmart. This will also help the Hurricane Marketplace/Walmart Shopping Center attract more tenants providing even more jobs and revenue."

Which you hope will put money into your pocket, shitbag.
How convenient. Do you disclose that your wife and mother-in-law own property in the very neighborhood about which you write? The very property that you forced your wife to decline a offer that was made to buy it?
Hell no you don't.

And
"Eliminate the wasteful city manager salary"

You've had a hard on for Ben Newhouse since he wouldn't roll over and kiss your enormous ass.

You're a biased, unethical piece of shit.

For a "man" that doesn't have the guts to stand for election, you've sure got all the answers for Hurricane's problems.

And the county says the fair market value of your wife's property is $89,100. You can bet your big ass if they assessed it for $399,000, you'd be down there screaming.

You want to talk about a tax scam?
Let's talk about someone that runs a business out of his wife's home, brags about how much money it generates and then doesn't pay ONE DIME of B&O taxes to the City of Hurricane.
Let's talk about that.

Neediest Cases

More Televisions Would Make Difference For Man

Mark, 48, is married and has one child. He lives in a filthy but modest $350,000 house owned by his mother-in-law and wife. Other down on their luck family members live there on a transient basis.

His wife is the sole support. Mark works a menial job so that he can feel that he is contributing, but it's barely enough to put gas in either of his two vehicles. In fact, he's so needy he can only afford one brand new car, the other is almost 5 years old. He had been working at a Charleston motel but was let go after several instances of computer abuse. He now shakes the farts out of shirttails at a local laundry.

He also has a severe personality disorder that makes it difficult for him to hold a job or interact with normal people. His weight makes it difficult to do much except his hobby of running what he calls an "internet news site". A number of arrests also hamper his ability to get along in the area.
"He's obese and very difficult. He complains constantly. They only have 9 TVs. Yea, really, 9!" said the social worker familiar with his case.

They desperately need a couple of old televisions for the family room and the child's room of their home. They frequently host guests who like to watch "different" TV shows in another part of the house.

Won't you please help a needy, hateful old bastard have a Merry Christmas?

Needs: Televisions or any other objects of value (beds, computers, used condoms, etc).


Cases published in PutnamLIES.com's Neediest Cases have not been verified by anyone.
Contributions may be thrown onto the front lawn of 194 Grace Drive in Hurricane .

I Know What Someone's NOT Getting For Christmas

Freecycle is a group on Yahoo where you can give away stuff you don't need anymore to someone that does. Which is a good thing.
But, it seems, at least around here, there are a lot of deadbeats looking to get something for nothing.

Like this, for example:
"We need a bigger tv. 50 inch or bigger would be nice.... "

Wouldn't it though? How about getting off your lazy ass, getting a job and buying one?

Here's another example:

Click to enlarge

Just in case you're having trouble reading it, here's what it says:

"Need a 19 or 25" conventional tube TV in working/good condition.

If you've upgraded or are upgrading to HDTV, we will use your old TV. We have a rec room and child's room that we need a TV for."

And if you can't read who wants it, just take a wild guess.

That's right, it's "Hallburn".

Why didn't you just write this:

I'm too cheap to buy a new TV, so give us your old one. It must have a remote control because I am a rather portly gent that's too lazy can't get up and down to turn the channel. It must also be very loud because there is EXCESSIVE NOISE in my neighborhood.

Jeezus, you are one cheap motherfucker.

I'll bet you were going to wrap it up and give it as a Christmas present, weren't you?

I suppose you want someone to deliver and install it too?

Letters, I Get Letters

So I'm sitting in the basement my office (the one in Fraziers Bottom, NOT in my wife's house) last month licking the KFC grease off my fingers when I get another brainstorm.

I need some letters from more exotic locales. That will show the nay-sayers and trash-talking bloggers a thing or two. See, I like to think that by printing letters from other states, they'll think I have readers all across the country.
The problem is, nobody from any other state writes in, much less actually reads any of my "stories". I have enough trouble attracting local readers.
Even most of my local letters are made up. Do you think there's actually a Ray Bloomington of Hurricane, George Williamson of Eleanor, or John Grange of Scott Depot?

But the internet is an amazing thing, You can find letters to the editor in every online newspaper.
There's tons of them, who's going to know if I reprint a few and say that they were sent to me? What's someone going to do? Contact and ask them?

So I printed this in November's Letters to the Editor:



Which is very interesting, because here's the original:


http://www.mariettatimes.com/page/content.detail/id/517660.html?nav=5007

Notice how I dropped the part where she talks about her local concerns. That's because I knew that would be a tip off that it was swiped. Pretty smart, huh?
Lower Salem OH is 125 miles from Hurricane.

And then I printed this one:


Which came from here:


http://www.miamiherald.com/opinion/letters/story/1344561.html

Key Biscayne is over 1,000 miles from Hurricane.

And why stop there:



The original came from here:


http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4176/is_20091112/ai_n42085590/

Fremont CA is over 2,500 miles from Hurricane.
Who-hoo! Look at me! I get letters from across the US. I'm very important!
Not really though.
Like somebody once said, "You can fool some of the people some of the time and the rest you can just jerk off. "
With my personality disorder, I'm a pro at both.

If that trash-talking blogger could write here I bet he'd make up some headline like "Pussy Publisher Plagiarises Purloined Postings" or say something like,
"I'll guaran-fucking-tee that NONE of these people sent these letters."
And he'd be right.


All I have to say is they would write they knew who I am and what I stand for.
I'M MARK "HALLBURN", GODDAMMIT!!!

Same Old Song And Dance

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

First it was construction noise, now it's traffic noise.
You must have the hearing of a bat, fatso. Either that or the walls of your hovel are made of Kleenex. Sorry, facial tissues. Wouldn't want you writing Kimberly-Clark complaining that I'm misusing their trademark.

Now "Hallburn" trots out his old Walmart blog again.

"Our son is 27 months old today. Not once has he been able to enjoy our front yard without excessive noise."

Let me fix that for you, douchebag:
"Not once has he been able to enjoy our front yard without
excessive noise   his Daddy bitching and whining."

And this one:
"Today, in his own little way, he decides to fight back. the boy has had enough. So he screams at the loud cars and pounds on the storm door. Out of the mouth of a babe, he tells the world that WALMART'S CUSTOMERS ARE TOO NOISY FOR A NEIGHBORHOOD! It's a priceless site. Not only for his anger but for how sad it is that a toddler is so angry at the STUPIDITY OF SILLY SCOTTY EDWARDS, GARY WALTON, and the OTHER MORONS THAT PUT A WALMART IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD!"

You know what's really sad, lardass? He's behaving this way because of YOU.
Children are a reflection of what they hear. Your piss poor attitude about life has already warped this poor little boy's brain. The shallow gene pool is bad enough. He's constantly bombarded by your insane rantings.
He's not angry, he has no idea what he's saying. He's just repeating what Daddy is constantly raving about.

Kids don't give a shit if it's noisy. They're happy to play anywhere.
They built I-64 at the edge of my backyard when I was a kid and my old man never bitched about it. Neither did anyone else. Was it noisier? Sure. But we weren't whackjobs that complained about it. We were thankful that we had a nice house to live in and a new road that didn't take half a day to get to Charleston on. We played the same as we always did.



Funny though, that there's a tire swing, a slide and what looks like a playhouse in a yard that he hasn't been able to enjoy.
And a chair to sit in.
What kind of cruel bastard puts toys out and then tells a child that he can't have fun because it's too noisy?

Plus, I've seen him and his mother playing in the driveway and they were having a great time. Of course Dad wasn't around so maybe that's why.

Don't be surprised to see this headline in a few years:



Run Son. Take your Mommy with you.