Oops, I did it again

I don't know how I find them , but I found another great graphic to use for my crime stories.



Isn't that great? Really eye catching. But unfortunately, once again, it belongs to someone else. I'll just say I had a subscription or something.


Click to enlarge

Which, if you can't read it, here's where it came from:
http://www.stltoday.com/blogzone/st-louis-crime-beat/

I hope they don't find out.

UPDATE: I forgot about another one right at the top of the page.


Click to enlarge

I think somebody left this one in a basket on my front porch.

Trick Or Treat! Halburn Grabs Some Candy!

Lard Lad Needs No Costume


So I took the boy Trick or Treating last night, and what could be more fun than to join in the festivities and wear my own costume.
Actually, it's not really a costume, it's what I wear around the house all the time.
This way nobody thinks anything is wrong when I'm crying all the time.
But I did fool some people because I wore the Official PutnamLIES.com Mark Hallburn Halloween Mask. It was so real I almost had myself arrested for trespassing.

I got lots of yummy candy and the boy did too. Unfortunately for him, I'm bigger than he is, so I stole all of his candy and ate it all.
Fuck him! I'm Mark Hallburn!

Halloween Is Almost Here!

Be the scariest kid on your block with the Official PutnamLIES.com Mark Hallburn Halloween Mask.

Print it out, cut it out & put it on!
(straitjacket not included)

Go to the Hurricane Walmart.
Go to Hurricane City Hall.
Go swimming (only when the pool's closed, of course.)
Check into the Comfort Suites in Kanawha City!
Do anything you want!
You're Mark Fucking Hallburn!

Scare your friends!
Scare Your neighbors!
They'll run. They'll cry.
They'll shit their pants!

Many thanks!
Happy Halloween!

Download PDF

BREAKING NEWS

Halburn Spotted at Putnam KFC



Local douchebag Mark Hallburn was spotted this evening at the KFC down the hill from his house, consuming all the free grilled chicken in the restaurant.
"It's free, so I took it all. Fuck them, I'm Mark Halburn!" he said.
"I waited on the couch all day for Colonel Sanders to come back to life and feed me, but nothing happened. I've contacted a lawyer and we are exploring legal action."

Colonel Sanders is still dead and was unavailable for comment.

KFC Announces Another Free Chicken Offer

Colonel Sanders to Return From Dead To Personally Feed Halburn.


Photograph courtesy of PutnamEYES.com staff psychic

KFC has announced that Monday,Oct. 26, more than 5,000 KFCs will give every U.S. customer a free piece of grilled chicken.

In a shocking turn of events, Colonel Harland Sanders, founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken, vowed today he would return from the dead to personally feed the free chicken to Mark Hallburn.

"I've had just about enough of his shit", Sanders said from beyond the grave.
"I saw how he behaved last time so I'm going over to his hovel to feed him personally this time.
And to be honest, he really isn't the kind of customer we want coming into our restaurants. The other customers complain about his smell, his lip smacking and the grease dripping off his chin.
If it takes me coming back from that big tub in the sky to keep him away, it will be worth it to keep our other customers happy.
I may hit the fat bastard with my cane just for good measure."

This will be the third time in six months that the chain is offering a giveaway to promote its Kentucky Grilled Chicken that had its debut last spring.

This will be the first time Sanders has risen from the grave.

Special update from Tyler Hollywood:
Tonight (10/24) on the Bad Side Live.
The Mark Halburn is Eating Free Chicken sighting segment.
With KFC kicking off it's newest giveaway, we all know where greasy hands are gonna be. Only question is, where and how many.

Call, text or email your sightings into the show!
www.talkradiox.com
Tonight at 11.

Who is Joanne Case...

and what is she telling us about Mark?
You only have one chance to tell your side first.

Over 20 Years Of Assholery

For loyal Putnam readers, It's not hard to believe that I've been an asshole for over 20 years now. And this proves it.
Look at this Article from 1986. I was a fucking know-it-all even back then.

Click image to enlarge

It's always the same old shit, I make a "suggestion", nobody listens to me and then I start making accusations and demanding things be done immediately.


And here's another one from 1987.
Once again you can see the tenacity with which I grab onto an issue and won't let go. By this time I've been bitching about this for a year.

Click image to enlarge

The same thing here. I'm worried that my fat ass is going to have to waddle a block farther to park and there's no fish taco cart that way. Nutrition is very important to college students.
I portray myself as a crusader, but all I am is a self centered piece of shit.